a moment

Fruit wine, Opeth and a dark cafe... Life is beautiful.

insomnia thoughts

Everything is fucked up and I am happy. The magic of NOW.
So much energy. Where did it come from?!

he's a dreamer

He's a dreamer. He's walked a long path since his abusive childhood and damaging youth. He's healed. He smiles a lot and seems peaceful and mature. He has the sparkling unborn star of wisdom in his chest.

He is unbearably lonely. He knows he should accept it and let go. He is struggling. He's denying the chaos within. Trying to stay on the surface. But at night it feels like drowning. Ugly thoughts emerge. He lets them pour in and gets lost in his desires.

His dreams are beautiful but painful and raw. Untouchable. He shares them and denies having shared them. He doesn't want anyone touching them. He's a solitary child.

mirror

If there’s a mirror you want, just look into my eyes...
But I’ve never looked into your eyes.
Yet you’ve been my mirror for ages.
I see you each time I look up to the sky.
I still feel you when I smell the autumn streets.
The notion of looking into your eyes is overwhelming. It scares me on so many levels, yet there’s an odd that everything will fall into place.
Like it always has.
There’s a chance one glance will encompass years of understanding and love.
We’ll remember all the songs that we’ve shared and everything will stay still in relief.
One look will scrape us bare and will leave only what is real. The core of our souls will come to light like it always has.
Maybe we’ll be too scared to speak. Maybe we’ll feel we’ve never had to talk. Maybe it will feel like home. Maybe we will cry. It will be a moment of utter nowness.

all the souls I adore

 




Here’s two words for you, he said: ha ha
You’ve switched lobes, he said.
I don’t do shoes, clothes and tv shows, he said.
Forgot how much it hurts to miss a breathing being in this world, she said.
You’ve made kinetic that which was inert, he said.
I adore the way you write, I said.
No fucking peace of anything can help it right now, she said.
You’ve never been in the left lobe, he said.
Vortexes abound, he said, it’s cosmic and divine.
Let’s see where this goes, I said.
There is no ‘this’, he said.
My neurons are firing in a different way now, I said.
Your neurons are hurting my neurons, he said.
I'm just glad to know you're there somewhere, she said.
You’re hurting me, I said.
You’re hurting yourself, he said.
Welcome to my post-modern world, I said.
Your pre-post-modern world was very different, he said.
I’ve read the book from cover to cover and I’m sorry, I said.
I forgive you, forgive me, I said.
Dreams are reflections of your own mind, he said. 
I bet Tori and Alanis are laughing at me, I said.
So how do you feel about it, he said.
It felt good, I said.
How are you, she said.
Reborn, I said.

the power of looooooooooooove!

carpe diem

Today was a long walk in the wind with my son. It's amazing to watch him make sense of things. It's amazing to realize that HE UNDERSTANDS. In his own unique way. I bet he sees things much clearer than I ever will. Everything is interesting to him. HE LIVES IN THE MOMENT. He notices every sound, every texture, every light... Nothing else matters to him than NOW.

Today was a big day for Dora's music development. I bought myself a pair of shamefully expensive wireless headphones. I want to turn into a Bradbury character: never putting my headphones down and reading people's lips. My precious:


First thing I heard: OPETH. It was like a revelation, like I had never heard them before. It was one of those moments when a band suddenly gets you by the throat and you're like: WOW, where the fuck have I been all these years? Today I fell in love with Opeth.

here comes the sun

It's seven in the morning and I just saw the last gleams of Venus. My son is drinking his milk beside me. I promised myself that I would write every day, but yesterday evening my head was completely empty. Which is a very healthy feeling by the way.  

 

Next week there will be an exhibition of Dali's illustrations for the Divine Comedy and I want to write an article about it. The illustrations are so precious and they follow Dante word by word.

And last week there was an exhibition of Magritte. Did you know that the window in "The Looking Glass" is actually cut out of the painting like in a child's book?

Here comes the sun... Breathing is bridging the gap between black and light.

I feel good.

warm and windy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2yJLQjaBfE

The last few days have been very special. It’s the weather.

Warm.

And windy.

The sky is a blackish-gray, but there is an inner light in the air coming out of nowhere...

My new job is on a small street full of foreign shops, enclosed by dancing yellow trees. I see them dance in the light of my window. I see a balcony that’s falling apart gracefully. The yellow leaves rain on the balcony.

And I miss you most of all, my darling...

Today I met someone who likes to take pictures of sunrises. We exchanged sunrises.

I am learning to forgive. I thought I could forgive, but now I see that real forgiveness is so much greater than what I’ve been doing. Real forgiveness is acceptance that “What Is Just Is”. Acceptance of the moment - of everything that lies within.

It is

so

damn

hard.

But when it happens, it’s beautiful.