after a long lucid dreaming pause...

First LD night in a long time. I guess this was the reason I had so many vivid dreams.

So I finally got to meet the big monster – sleep paralysis. Everyone’s been warning me about it and I kept laughing and saying there’s no such thing. Well, woke up at 5 for a WILD, you know the drill… Spent like half an hour motionlessly in bed, it wasn’t really pleasant cause I was in-between worlds, and wasn’t quite sure if this was a dream, let alone a lucid one…

All of a sudden a horrifying noise pours over me – I wasn’t sure if it was an earthquake, flooding water, a gate slamming or a coffin closing. Then I felt something covering me, like a blanket (or even earth?) – I was positive my roommate was in the room covering me with a blanket. It felt like being buried alive, literally. Psycho. And it was so real. But it was a really interesting experience, I would do it again!

Anyway, I was able to turn on the other side and the fun began. Almost all of my LDs are WILDs, so I looooove the moment I am finally in the dream world – the moment I look at my hands and the world around me and I’m sooo happy: I’m there! I’m finally there.

1. I’m in a park or something. I see a bar near the park and I go in. People on the stairs look at me as if I’m not allowed to enter but I’m able to control them with my hands – I make a magical gesture and they let me in. I pick a blond guy on the stairs, make a gesture and he comes with me. (He wasn’t even my type, really weird.) I’m holding his hand and the rest of my body is floating in the air like a balloon he’s holding.  We make out, I wake up in the middle of it, haha, figures.

I loved this one:

2. I’m in the street in front of my house. The atmosphere is haunting, yet beautiful and peaceful. It’s been raining, everything is wet, the trees have an emerald glow, the sunlight is really warm, almost sepia, and gives the dream a retro feel. There is an old lady next to me and I’m positive she’s a dream guide. I ask her about her name, she says something like Nevi…

A boy is jumping around, trying to talk to me but I want to talk to my dream guide. She points to my house which looks really old and deserted. The windows in the brick wall are broken. I see a white bride in one of the windows – her hair is in a really tight bun. She is beautiful.

She starts stretching her hands and her whole body out the window and starts crawling like a spider on the red brick wall. Then I look at the other two windows and I see some album covers which come to life and start crawling on the wall too.

None of this scares me, I find it fascinating and keep saying to myself: This is just like a Lynch movie, oh my God, this is so Lynch!

Then I saw lots of bicycles right next to us on the street and asked the lady if she wanted to take a ride. She said OK and all three of us – me, her and the boy got on the bicycles. I tried to pedal but I couldn’t, but was able to ride effortlessly without pedaling.

3. I’m at a fruit and vegetable market, and I want to buy some cherries. However, they don’t look ripe enough to me, and I try to make a magic spell to make them darker. I couldn’t do it but the cherries turned into cherry-formed strawberries.

All of a sudden Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (a spiritual teacher) appears and starts giving out orders because all the food has to be donated to the poor. I keep trying to transform the cherries when the place transforms into a kitchen and a heroin chic girl walks in. She has a hole in her shirt and kind of runs her hand under the shirt and into the hole, so that it appears in front of her face.
I find this really sexy so I start undressing her. I notice she’s incredibly skinny, almost anorexic. She has a big black tattoo on her tummy – 5 rows of text in hieroglyphs. And, as usual, I wake up.

4. It’s just a dream fragment – a deaf and blind girl was singing in front of a choir – her voice was beautiful, and I was amazed how a deaf girl can sing like that.

5. I think I had a musical dream – I kept hearing this crazy composition with Sting’s voice and Bulgarian female choirs, it was amazing but for the life of me I can’t remember it.

6. The last dream was not lucid – I called a friend of mine and told him about the bride dream – it was a really vivid and detailed description, haha, almost the same as the one I just wrote. I basically wrote it in my dream.


divine moments of truth

През любовта към сина ми минава любовта ми към целия свят.


да ти проговори песен след 20 години...

Дали когато съм я слушала на 8 годинки, съм разбирала смисъла й по-добре?

Tomorrow Never Knows

Turn off your mind relax and float down stream
It is not dying, it is not dying

Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void,
It is shining, it is shining.

Yet you may see the meaning of within
It is being, it is being

Love is all and love is everyone
It is knowing, it is knowing

And ignorance and hate mourn the dead
It is believing, it is believing

But listen to the colour of your dreams
It is not leaving, it is not leaving

So play the game "Existence" to the end
Of the beginning, of the beginning

"Tomorrow Never Knows" is the final track of The Beatles' 1966 studio album Revolver but the first to be recorded. Credited as a Lennon/McCartney song, it was written primarily by John Lennon. An innovative recording, it contributed to Revolver's reputation as one of the group's most influential and expressive albums. Music critic Richie Unterberger of Allmusic said it was "the most experimental and psychedelic track on Revolver, in both its structure and production." The song has a vocal put through a Leslie speaker cabinet (which was normally used as a loudspeaker for a Hammond organ) and uses automatic double tracking (ADT) to double the vocal image. Tape loops prepared by Paul McCartney were mixed in and out of the Indian-inspired modal backing underpinned by Ringo Starr's irregular drum pattern.

John Lennon wrote the song in January 1966, with lyrics adapted from the book The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead by Timothy Leary, Richard Alpert, and Ralph Metzner, which in turn was adapted from the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Although Peter Brown believed that Lennon's source for the lyric was the Tibetan Book of the Dead itself, which, he said, Lennon read whilst consuming LSD, George Harrison later stated that the idea for the lyrics came from Leary's, Alpert's and Metzner's book and McCartney confirmed this, stating that he and Lennon had visited the newly opened Indica bookshop — Lennon was looking for a copy of The Portable Nietzsche— and Lennon had found a copy of The Psychedelic Experience that contained the lines: "When in doubt, relax, turn off your mind, float downstream".

Lennon bought the book, went home, took LSD, and followed the instructions exactly as stated in the book. The book held that the "ego death" experienced under the influence of LSD and other psychedelic drugs is essentially similar to the dying process and requires similar guidance.

The title never actually appears in the song's lyrics. In an interview McCartney revealed that, like "A Hard Day's Night", it was taken from one of Ringo Starr's inimitable intentional malapropisms. The piece was originally titled "Mark I". "The Void" is cited as another working title but according to Mark Lewisohn (and Bob Spitz) this is untrue, although the books, The Love You Make: An Insider's Story of the Beatles and The Beatles A to Z both cite "The Void" as the original title.


обичам такива хора!

As you can probably guess, I'm rather skeptical of the existence of a metaphysical "soul". If you have evidence, I'd appreciate a link or something.
~ Tedd

а link or smth? култ, култ...


In fact I can't remember why we're alive...



The Other Side Of The World by Swans on Grooveshark

the other side of the world

i won't think it
i won't speak it
but i feel it
and i see it
and it comes down
and surrounds us
with sensation
with perfection
without purpose
and there's colour
and there's light
and there's movement
on the other side of the world
with each movement
new reactions
cause sensations
which move through us
and the warm wind
kissed your body
and the sun was rising
on the other side of the world
and there's colour
and there's light
and sensation
on the other side of the world
now i breathe it
and i see it
before thinking
and it's perfect
without purpose
and there's colour
and there's light
and they're rising
on the other side of the world

а, а, точно!

Identity by Swans on Grooveshark


Now I'm breathing the breath of god,
And the cold wind cleans my
And I'm standing in a ring of fire, and
My heart s made of light
And I fly across the red mountains.
And my hands contain the sky
And earth rolls away in
Darkness, and I ride a piece of
Killing time, killing time

Now they punish our imagination, and
Corrupt our blood with fear,
And infinity's beneath the ocean, but
Oblivion sits right beside me here
So we are blind and we're polluted,
And each breath is drunk with
We'll drift away across tomorrow,
And we'll ride the breath of
Through the years, killing time,
Killing time.

4:00 ~ translating the beauty of life!

Will We Survive by Swans on Grooveshark



Аз съм стрела
Неподвижна във всеки един миг
За мен целта е измислица
И се забивам в себе си
Не се страхувам - аз съм страхът
Не дишам - аз съм дъхът
Не се въртя - аз съм кръгът
Не се движа - аз съм пътят
Не се оглеждам - аз съм отражението
Не чакам - аз съм четвъртото измерение.


nonsense and supreme meaning

“The words that oscillate between nonsense and supreme meaning are the oldest and truest.”

- Jung, The Red Book

"You're insignificant.
Yes, you're magnificent
But you're insignificant"

- Amorphous Androgynous

Psychedelics affect all of our mental functions: perception, emotion, thinking, body awareness, and our sense of self.
Perceptual or sensory effects often, but not always, are primary. Objects in our field of vision appear brighter or duller, larger or smaller, and seem to be shifting shape and melting. Eyes closed or open, we see things that have little to do with the outside world: swirling, colorful, geometric cloud patterns, or well-formed images of both animate and inanimate objects, in various conditions of motion or activity.
Sounds are softer or louder, harsher or gentler. We hear new rhythms in the wind. Singing or mechanical sounds appear in a previously silent environment.
The skin is more or less sensitive to touch. Our ability to taste and smell becomes more or less acute.
Our emotions overflow or dry up. Anxiety or fear, pleasure or relaxation, all feelings wax and wane, overpoweringly intense or frustratingly absent. At the extremes lie terror or ecstasy. Two opposite feelings may exist together at the same time. Emotional conflicts become more painful, or a new emotional acceptance takes place. We have a new appreciation of how others feel, or no longer care about them at all.
Our thinking processes speed up or slow down. Thoughts themselves become confused or clearer. We notice the absence of thoughts, or it is impossible to contain the flood of new ideas. Fresh insights about problems come, or we become hopelessly stuck in a mental rut. The significance of things takes on more importance than the things themselves. Time collapses: in the blink of an eye, two hours pass. Or time expands: a minute contains a never-ending march of sensations and ideas.
Our bodies are hot or cold, heavy or light; our limbs grow or shrink; we move upward or downward through space. We feel the body no longer exists, or that the mind and body have separated.
We feel more or less in control of our "selves." We experience others influencing our minds or bodies—in ways that are beneficial or frightening. The future is ours for the taking, or fate has determined everything and there is no point in trying.
Psychedelics affect every aspect of our consciousness. It is this unique consciousness that separates our species from all others below, and that gives us access to what we consider the divine above. Maybe that's another reason why the psychedelics are so frightening and so inspiring: They bend and stretch the basic pillars, the structure and defining characteristics, of our human identity.

- Strassman, DMT: The Spirit Molecule

добре, къв е тоя дуализъм верно?!



приказка за безсмъртието

Христос воскресе из мертвих, смертию смерт поправ...

Две са надеждите на подземния свят - Ана и Ирина. Те се люлеят на въже, завързано за човешкия ум и го теглят към другия край на Земята. Когато дръпнат прекалено силно, всичко изчезва.
Ана е бяла и добра. Ирина е черна и зла.
Ана идва, когато се запролети и разхожда майския вятър. През лятото Ирина се смее тихо, а през есента пристъпва. Тя е силата, която разлага плодовете и листата в земята.
Те са най-долу.
Ана и Ирина имат една цел: да накарат хората да спрат да мислят. Понякога, късно вечер в двойната люлка, сестрите водят дълги спорове дали да не накарат хората да спрат да виждат. Но май ги е страх, че ако ги накарат, ще изчезнат.
Смешното е, че никой никога не ги е виждал. Ако те опънат въжето, за да изтеглят някого, умът му се увива около него и той... ами, разбирате.
Там е работата, че всички си мислят, че Ана и Ирина знаят тайната на безсмъртието. Много смелчаги са тръгвали слепешката по въжето надолу, но малцина са стигали отвъд мъглата и реката.
Проблемът е, че това не е обикновена река - за да я прекосиш, трябва да се гмурнеш в нея, защото въжето пробива земята. Трябва да стигнеш дъното и да изровиш дупка. На края й те чакат Ана и Ирина.
Един единствен момък успя да говори с тях и да се върне, но за съжаление те му отрязаха езика и ръцете и сега не знаем какво са му казали.
Разбира се, не си представяйте как Ана реже хладнокръвно езици и ръце. Тя никога не би направила това. По-скоро би гледала с бяла необходимост в очите, как сестра й се къпе в кръв.
Всъщност има дни, в които едната от двете спи. Понякога Ана люлее Ирина в обятията си. Понякога Ирина поглъща Ана. Често едната сестра крие другата в крилете си.
Нашият момък трябва да е бил голям карък да попадне долу, точно когато Ирина поглъща Ана. Представям си как я поглежда в черните очи и пита: "Коя си ти?" Тя отвръща лукаво: "Не знам." Нашият не се отказва и пита: "Какво е да не знаеш?" (Не е глупав човекът.) Ирина се усмихва и казва: "Да не знаеш е да не можеш да кажеш."
В този момент момъкът се сеща за какво е дошъл и пита: "Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам", отвръща Ирина (естествено).
"Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам."
"Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам."
Три дена и три нощи не се отказал смелият момък, докато в един миг не схванал, че тайната на безсмъртието е да не знаеш и сам помолил Ирина да му отреже езика и ръцете.
Разбира се, вие няма как да станете безсмъртни, като прочетете някаква приказка. Трябва сами да слезете долу да ви отрежат езика и ръцете. :)

fear in a handful of dust

There is shadow under this red rock, 
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
 And I will show you something different from either
 Your shadow at morning striding behind you
 Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
 I will show you fear in a handful of dust. 

 ~ T.S.Eliot


are you there?

“My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak. I call you—are you there? I have returned. I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you again.”
~ Jung - The Red Book, p. 232

nothing lasts...

Ана: Защо е умрял?
Дара: Наистина ли искаш да ти разкажа?
Ана: Да.
Дара: Защото е бил много тъжен...
Ана: И сега на небето ли е?
Дара: Да.
Ана: Защо не мога да го видя?
Дара: Защото като умре някой, вече го няма на земята...
Ана: Ти ще умреш ли?
Дара: Неее, няма скоро да умра!
Ана: Защо?
Дара: Защото съм млада.
Ана: Искам цял ден да си на земята!

 Yes, you're magnificent...
But you're insignificant!


Някой да ме научи как се боледува...


They Speak With Knives

На З., Л., Д., Х., Г. и М.

Ако това е езикът на ножовете

Това са единствените думи
Които искам да знам
Думи, които режат
За да дадат живот
Защото всичко става
Чак когато се откажеш
Вземи спокойно ножа от масата
И го забий в корема си
За да покълне светлина
Kураж да бъдеш огледален
Негатив на себе си
Абсолютно инобитие
Остави спокойно ножа на масата
По върха му - син покой
Виж се в ръцете на джуджето
Там, където
Дори ангелите говорят наобратно
Само ако ножовете можеха да говорят...


wie magst du was begehrn

Wie magst du was begehrn?
Du selber kannst allein
Der Himmel und die Erd
und Tausend Engel sein.
~ Angelus Silesius



Кефи ме това дърво
Листата му светят
Клоните му са корени
По ствола му тече ток
Не го пипай
Да не светнеш като крушка