In Your Room (Message in a Bottle)

In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon
Or will you leave me lying here

In your favourite darkness
Your favourite half-light
Your favourite consciousness

In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here

It was the perfect room.
An old mattress, a hi fi system, an armchair and bright sketches scattered on the floor.
He put on mind-numbing music and it coalesced with the room.
She felt like her body melted into the armchair.
It was the perfect room.

- Candles and wine... - he laughed quietly.
- If you only knew how he hates this... He thinks it's a pose.

He chuckled:
- That's what I do... every night.
- This room is so magical, its candles can never be sappy.

Then they started one of those conversations only a stoned mind can have. Or an insanely sincere one. And they were both insane so it was a talk of crazy meets stoned.
 
- Have you noticed that when we're together time runs much slower? When I'm with you I feel no pressure at all, I don't have to pretend or play roles, because you're not judging me.
His honesty startled her.
- Yes, I don't like to judge.

She was watching herself speak and was amazed that her words made sense. She was not that girl in the chair, she was not her voice, she was not her words, she was just a cold awareness acknowledging the thoughts that arose within and without her.

Suddenly she had one of those realizations that come out of mindless stillness:
- We feel no pressure because we don't want anything from each other.
- Yes. That's it. Remember when you were a child and you had no sexual desire towards your friends. You just wanted to play.
- Like children... Perfect balance - she grabbed her notepad - I have to write this down. Will you draw it? Look!
She started drawing.
- You have three kinds of relationships.
The first one is imbalanced - one of the partners is pulling the thread so hard that it's pushing the other away.
The second one is when you're in love - both partners are pulling with the same strenght and the thread is in perfect balance, like a guitar string.
The third one is totally VOID of desires - there is no pulling at all. That's us.
- Equilibrium - he smiled - See, you drew it yourself!

- Now I realize HOW MUCH I wanted from him. I wanted everything. I wanted his soul. I wanted to devour him. But I have neither reason nor rhyme with which to take this soul that is so rightfully his.

- This whole twin soul thing is ridiculous - he said. - It means you're so in love with your ego, you want to find a perfect reflection of it in an other.

- Imagine a world where no one wanted anything from anyone.

He smiled. He got her.

- How can I do it? How can I stop wanting him? But then again... Would you even want to be in a relationship without desiring the other person?

She kept asking herself if there was anything between them. The mind was starting its game.
But she knew that the moment she started wanting anything from him, the balance would collapse like a house of cards.

- Ready to hear the cheerful American peasants?
She put on Mumford and Sons and started reciting the lyrics.
- This is amazing! - he was laughing at every word that rang so true in his heart.
- How could they be singing my exact thoughts? I love it...
Being understood, sharing, understanding together was ecstatic.
- I'm so happy you like it.

But you are not alone in this

And you are not alone in this

As brothers we will stand

And we'll hold your hand

- You see, I have a friend, he's like a brother to me and I talk to him the way I talk to you - in song lyrics and Tolle words and he's like: "I'm losing you man, I don't get what you're saying..."
- Yes, a lot of people will start thinking you're going insane...

Cause you told me that I would find a hole,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals

But Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I see
 

It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But you say that’s exactly how this grace thing works...

- What's wrong? - he asked.
- I'm just sad. I miss my teacher. He did not deserve this.
- You dear soul. You're a good person.