Monty Python - Dead Parrot

Marillion - The Wound

Marillion - The Wound

I've done everything that can be done to heal this wound
Left it on it's own for years

I've done everything that can be done to heal this wound
Left it on it's own for years
Couldn't touch it, didn't pick it, didn't get it wet
It didn't stop the bleeding

I bandaged it, I wrapped it, stitched it, tourniqueted it
I held it stiff and aching in the air
Held it there til I went berserk
Didn't sleep
It didn't work
Didn't stop it weeping

And the wound is your life
And your life took on a life of it's own
(Or so you foolishly thought)
And your life rolled on over me Bang-Bang like 56 train wheels
Every time I heard news of you

And the wound was in every lousy song on the radio

And the pain was like a tree-fern in the dark, damp, forgotten places
Darkness didn't stop her growing
New-born baby cells dividing..
Curled up tight unrolling day by day
Stretching up, stretching out
Forming the same identical shape
Clones. There ain't too much sadder than
Clones - relentlessly emerging from the hairy heart of the wound

And the fern is beautiful in it's own way
Uncurling in the dark
Beautiful with no one there to see it
As the wound weeps and aches

(Now there's some sad things known to the man from the planet Marzipan)

Alanis Morissette - Incomplete

Fucking spot on!

Alanis Morissette - Incomplete

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived and I'll be a friend to my friends
who know how to be friends

One day I'll be at peace
I’ll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt

One day I will be healed
I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

One day, my mind will retreat, and I'll know god and I'll be constantly one with her night, dusk and day
One day I'll be secure, like the women I see on their 30th anniversaries

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

One day, I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and whole

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

DAVID LYNCH IS A GOD!

Cooper's Dream

Muere lentamente

He dies slowly,
who does not travel,
who does not read,
who does not listen to music,
who does not find grace in himself.

He dies slowly
who destroys his self-love,
who does not accept help from another.

He dies slowly
who transforms himself into a slave of habit,
repeating every day the same course,
who does not change mark,
does not dare to change the colour of his clothes
or does not talk with persons he does not know.

He dies slowly,
who avoids passion and its turmoil of emotions,
just those that bring bright to the eyes
and restore destroyed hearts.

He dies slowly,
who does not turn the page
when he is unhappy with his work, or his love,
who does not risk the certain or the uncertain
to go beyond a dream,
who does not afford, even once in his life,
fleeing from sensible advice.

Live today!
Risk today!
Do it today!
Don't let yourself die slowly!
Don't prevent yourself from being happy!

Pablo Neruda

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dies slowly he who transforms himself in slave of habit, repeating every day the same itineraries, who does not change brand, does not risk to wear a new color and doesn't talk to those he doesn't know.

Dies slowly he who makes of television his guru.

Dies slowly he who avoids a passion, who prefers black to white and the dots on the "i" to a whirlpool of emotions, just those ones that recover the gleam from the eyes, smiles from the yawns, hearts from the stumbling and feelings.

Dies slowly he who does not overthrow the table when is unhappy at work, who does not risk the certain for the uncertain to go toward that dream that is keeping him awake.

Who does not allow, at least one time in life, to flee from sensate advises.

Dies slowly he who does not travel, does not read, does not listen to music, who does not find grace in himself.

Dies slowly he who destroys his self-love, who does not accept help from another.

Dies slowly he who passes his days complaining of his bad luck or the incessant rain.

Dies slowly he who abandons a project before starting it, who does not ask over a subject that does not know or who does not answer when being asked about something he knows.

Dies slowly he who does not share his emotions, joys and sadness, who does not trust, who does not even try.

Dies slowly he who does not relive his memories and continues getting emotional as if living them at that moment.

Dies slowly he who does not intent excelling, who does not learn from the stones of the road of life, who does not love and let somebody love.

Let's avoid death in soft quotes, remembering always that to be alive demands an effort much bigger that the simple act of breathing.

True, true...

My first trip

Не очаквах такова преживяване... Всичко започна с промяна в звуковите възприятия – всички звуци ми се струваха много далечни, сякаш идват от другия край на света и резонират в главата ми преди да достигнат съзнанието ми. Може да се опише като вълни, които те заливат, но на приливи и отливи, звукът се отразява и отблъсква от теб и после се връща... За всеки един звук ми трябваха поне 10 секунди за асимилация. Но най-странното беше, че и собственият ми глас идваше със закъснение. Сякаш чувах ехо в телефонна слушалка. Беше толкова невероятно да чувам собствения си глас сякаш е извън мен или сякаш аз съм извън него. Всяко едно изречение, което казвах, беше изненада, сякаш не го казвах аз, сякаш бях извън тялото си и се чувах да говоря. Всеки път като отворех уста, се стрясках.
Още в началото изпитах едно усещане, което с течение на времето се засили – усещането, че съм абсолютно сама и че светът около мен се разпада, че единственото, което остава, единственото, което е реално, е моята душа. Нищо друго нямаше значение – само тази дълбока същност вътре в мен. Всичко се концентрираше вътре в нея. Деси ме попита какво представлява тази същност.
– Черен дим... – отговорих.
– И все пак какво представлява? – попита ме тя.
– Енергия...
– Как така?
– Тя е това, което Е... Тя просто е.
Струваше ми се, че тя е единственото истинско нещо, единствената реалност. Всичко друго – тялото ми, околният свят, беше нереално... Нереалното беше много по-реално от реалността. Всеки въпрос, който Деси ми задаваше, изтръгваше тази същност през черупката на тялото ми. Имах чувството, че черното цяло вътре в мен разбива прозорците на тялото ми и се сипва навън чрез гласа ми. В момента, в който проговорех, черната ми същност натрошаваше стъклената обвивка на тялото и ся разпръсваше навън под формата на светлина. Това ми струваше огромни усилия. Всеки път, когато кажех нещо, имах чувството, че се събуждам от дълбок сън, че ме изтръгват от безсъзнание... Усещането за цялост, за съединение със себе си беше толкова всеобхватно и успокоително. Не исках да бъда нищо друго освен този черен дим... Бях едновременно вътре в тялото си и извън него. Не се чувствах част от тялото си, чувствах се като къс енергия и въпреки това нямаше как да се отделя от тялото си. Спомням си, че обяснявах на Деси, че тялото ми е просто пречка, ненужна обвивка. Но само чрез нея можех да общувам с околните, което ме кара да мисля, че дълбоко в себе си всички сме сами. Но в това няма нищо страшно... Би било интересно да правиш секс в такова състояние. В момент на пълно единение със себе си да се съединиш с друг.
Музиката също ме изтръгваше от съня, понякога звучеше толкова реално и стряскащо, че имах чувството, че изпълнителят е до мен. Музиката се блъскаше в прозрачната обвивка на тялото ми като синя вода и ме обгръщаше... Тя беше едно от малкото неща, които очертаваха контурите на тялото ми и ми напомняха, че не съм само черен дим... Звуковите ми възприятия бяха толкова променени, че когато темпото на една песен леко се забави, се зачудих дали не го правя аз. Като цяло списъкът с песни, който правихме 2 часа с Деси се оказа много добър. Treefingers е перфектната песен за такива моменти! Trrriiippy...
Имах чувството, че сънувам наяве. Състоянието беше много подобно на сън, с тази разлика, че имах контрол над мислите си. Тоест можех да анализирам какво ми се случва, докато сънувам. В главата ми изплува думата “stoned”, която беше много подходяща за състоянието ми. Като затворех очи, виждах бели цветя във формата на снежинки... Постепенно черното ядро вътре в мен се превръщаше в светлина... Сякаш преминавах през някакво пречистване...
В един момент осъзнах, че това преживяване въобще не е това, което очаквах. Очаквах да почувствам вселената, да се слея с всичко, да се докосна до Бога. Казах на Деси, че сигурно ще й е интересно да знае, че в това преживяване въобще няма Бог. В търсене на Бог открих душата си... Стана ми смешно, защото се провалих като правоверна New Age последователка – нали те казват, че Бог е навсякъде и вътре в нас...
– А къде е Бог? – попита ме Деси.
– Не казвам, че няма Бог. Просто аз не го усещам... Единственото, което мога да кажа е, че аз съм Бог...
Така казах... Иска ми се да бях казала друго, ама така казах. Явно трябва първо да погледна дълбоко в себе си и после да търся Бог.
Беше ми интересно дали ще е много по-различно от това да си пиян. Определено е различно. Когато си пиян светът около теб не изчезва. Предполагам, че това е перфектното бягство, ако си много наранен, начин да забравиш за всичко и да останеш насаме със себе си. В една реалност, където нищо друго освен Аз-ът няма значение. Предполагам, че медитацията и хипнозата се доближават до това състояние... Спомням си как отговарях на въпросите на Деси като насън... Може би наистина подсъзнанието ми е говорило тогава.
Както каза Мила: "Всеки намира нещо различно. Не знам вие какво ще намерите в себе си..."
Определено си заслужаваше. Аз очаквах да се счупя от смях, а то какво стана... Много себеутвърждаващо преживяване. Просто намираш опора в себе си и осъзнаваш колко плътно и здраво нещо е човешката душа. А тялото е просто обвивка...

Вярата

Aradia:

"Вярвам, че вярата в Бог (или респективно в силите, които му
съответстват) е най-важното нещо и вярвам в хората, и в тяхната
вяра, и им вярвам, когато вярват."

Things I want to do

www.43things.com

1. create
2. read up on an eastern religion
3. drink more water
4. write a book
5. visit india, nepal and tibet
6. learn to meditate
7. go on a road trip with no predetermined destination
8. Stop caring what other people think of me
9. do past life regression
10. trip on mushrooms
11. sleep on a rooftop under the stars
12. Read more
13. Write more
14. get back in touch with nature
15. never, EVER grow up
16. stop spending so much time on the computer
17. actually do what is on my list
18. live instead of exist
19. jump into water fully clothed
20. fly a kite
21. Kiss in the rain
22. travel more
23. let go of guilt
24. have no fear
25. treat people better
26. have all night conversations
27. meet more like minded people
28. be less selfish
29. learn to love myself
30. Don't worry, be happy
31. have my own home
32. spend more time outdoors
33. achieve enlightenment
34. Have A Mystical Experience
35. talk to lisa gerrard
36. see more

Life before life

This is a comment on "do past life regression" at www.43things.com. This is exactly what I am looking for right now:

"I had a fusion therapy this week. Part of the process involved the therapist using a brief past life visualisation, I dont think it lasted for more than ten minutes. I cant recall the whole process but was awed at how quickly I responded to her prompts, she spoke quickly to avoid letting me have time to think and question what was being asked. When she asked me what did I see before coming into being, I described myself as an energy state, with out boundaries or form. I was aware of being a part of, and looking out to into a star strewn black universe. It was a really strange and safe feeling of consiousness with out form. I didnt really think, I was just aware of the wonder and vastness of the universe. The name cosmic water lilly popped into my head, as if the name I have chosen was vaildated. It was weird but comforting. I was expecting to relive a snapshot of a life from another centuary, this was not an experience I expected, but none the less very powerful."

A message from Lisa Gerrard

Let our stories be told in innocent ways that bring knowledge of the things that are not seen.

Lisa Gerrard

A Life Instead of Mere Living

[This is a part of my letter to Aurica]

I miss you so much it’s not even funny. There has been a sudden, rather unexpected change in my life. I don’t know how it happened, I guess it was lurking inside me, clouded by all the material thoughts, by all the stuff that WAS NOT ME. Suddenly I just shook off my lethargy and started to THINK again. And thoughts have been bombarding me for the past few weeks. It almost feels like the old times when we were talking about the universe and the meaning of life. I found out that I am not ready to grow up. “Never disagree with your youth...” If growing up means to stop dreaming and reflecting on life, then by all means...NEVER GROW UP... I look back and I see that I’ve spent the past two years of my life in some kind of oblivion – worrying about everyday stuff, about absolutely inessential things, just making it through the day, languishing... Slowly a phrase made its way to my mind: A Life Instead of Mere Living… It began as a craving for creativity and nostalgia for philosophical conversations and it transformed into a quest…a quest for…God I would say, God in His purest form, God as energy, God as the universe, as the purpose of life. I have been studying Theory of Religion and one of its subjects fascinates me: atheism. It bewilders me how people can be atheists. I have been talking to people who don’t believe in God, trying to understand them, to study them…and don’t misunderstand me – my idea of God is as broad as it gets, it expresses my belief that there is a deeper purpose behind life and creation. A purpose that could in no way be random. I guess I’m lucky to have that belief inside me, today a friend of mine told me she wished she could believe in something, anything…
I have to stop because my eyes are welling up… I’m listening to Lisa Gerrard and the moon is shining into my window, what a beautiful moment… Wandering Star… I’ve missed those moments… Moments when you hear the world’s heart beating inside you, when you’re overwhelmed with beauty. Running in your veins like alcohol… Lisa Gerrard can do this to you:)
I don’t know how atheists could appreciate the beauty of life the way I can. They are living a full-blooded life, I am sure, but there is no magic in their life, no transcendental pursuit, no purpose. How could you believe that your soul is purposeless? How could you believe that the diversity of this world is accidental? How could you believe that music is godless? How can there be Spirit without God?
All of these thoughts led to questions, questions I’ve asked myself before but never really answered, maybe they were waiting for the right time to emerge… Questions about the mind, about reincarnation, about creativity, about the soul… I believe in reincarnation. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me. Maybe because I’ve known it since I was a child (my father used to talk to me about those things) or maybe because it really sounds reasonable and…wise. It sounds like a well thought out system. A system where things like guilt, judgment and fear are superfluous simply because our main goal is to evolve. No one will be judging us when we die, so we shouldn’t judge ourselves. Self-love, it seems to me, is one of the most important things in life.
The moon is setting behind the trees…
All of these thoughts were triggered by a video about “life between lives”. It is fascinating and it really makes sense to me:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=0QDT58Q6Zxo

Watch all the parts if you can.

Looking at life from this new perspective is rejuvenating. Everything seems different now. A lot of things that seemed important yesterday are insignificant today. For example I know that when we die we define every aspect of our new life: our parents, our country, whether we will be victims or winners…so I am really interested in what I chose. I have been ignoring my parents and my problems with them and now I know I have to deal with this because it is an important step in my development. I chose it because I have to deal with it.
It’s all about learning. But not a cognitive kind of learning. A spiritual kind. It can be done through meditation, through transcendental, mystical experiences… It made me think of trying mushrooms. It seems like a good way to open your mind.

“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.”
- William Blake

Look for God... The first place I will look will be deep within me.

I guess I’m a proper New Age follower.

Another thing that seems important to me is LETTING GO. I just realized this couple of days ago. It seems that it is not the point to stuff your mind with ideas, to fight fear or depression, the point is in letting go, releasing yourself from everything you know, everything you fear, setting yourself free. Your mind needs space to reach the truth. Here is a quote from Salinger’s Teddy that describes this very well:

"You know Adam?" Teddy asked him.

"Do I know who?"

"Adam. In the Bible."

Nicholson smiled. "Not personally," he said dryly.

Teddy hesitated. "Don't be angry with me," he said. "You asked me a question, and I'm--"

"I'm not angry with you, for heaven's sake."

"Okay," Teddy said. He was sitting back in his chair, but his head was turned toward Nicholson. "You know that apple Adam ate in the Garden of Eden, referred to in the Bible?" he asked. "You know what was in that apple? Logic. Logic and intellectual stuff. That was all that was in it. So--this is my point--what you have to do is vomit it up if you want to see things as they really are. I mean if you vomit it up, then you won't have any more trouble with blocks of wood and stuff. You won't see everything stopping off all the time. And you'll know what your arm really is, if you're interested. Do you know what I mean? Do you follow me?"

"I follow you," Nicholson said, rather shortly.

"The trouble is," Teddy said, "most people don't want to see things the way they are. They don't even want to stop getting born and dying all the time. They just want new bodies all the time, instead of stopping and staying with God, where it's really nice." He reflected. "I never saw such a bunch of apple-eaters," he said. He shook his head.

***

"May I ask why you told Professor Peet he should stop teaching after the first of the year?" Nicholson asked, rather bluntly. "I know Bob Peet. That's why I ask."

Teddy tightened his alligator belt. "Only because he's quite spiritual, and he's teaching a lot of stuff right now that isn't very good for him if he wants to make any real spiritual advancement. It stimulates him too much. It's time for him to take everything out of his head, instead of putting more stuff in. He could get rid of a lot of the apple in just this one life if he wanted to. He's very good at meditating."

And here’s another one:

Teddy got up. "I better go now. I don't want to be too late."

Nicholson looked up at him, and sustained the look--detaining him. "What would you do if you could change the educational system?" he asked ambiguously. "Ever think about that at all?"

"I really have to go," Teddy said.

"Just answer that one question," Nicholson said. "Education's my baby, actually--that's what I teach. That's why I ask."

"Well . . . I'm not too sure what I'd do," Teddy said. "I know I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start with the things schools usually start with." He folded his arms, and reflected briefly. "I think I'd first just assemble all the children together and show them how to meditate. I'd try to show them how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that . . . I guess, even before that, I'd get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephant's big, I'd make them empty that out. An elephant's only big when it's next to something else--a dog or a lady, for example." Teddy thought another moment. "I wouldn't even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but I'd let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing anything more about it than the elephant knew about them. The same thing with grass, and other things. I wouldn't even tell them grass is green. Colors are only names. I mean if you tell them the grass is green, it makes them start expecting the grass to look a certain way--your way--instead of some other way that may be just as good, and may be much better . . . I don't know. I'd just make them vomit up every bit of the apple their parents and everybody made them take a bite out of."

"There's no risk you'd be raising a little generation of ignoramuses?"

"Why? They wouldn't any more be ignoramuses than an elephant is. Or a bird is. Or a tree is," Teddy said. "Just because something is a certain way, instead of just behaves a certain way, doesn't mean it's an ignoramus."

"No?"

"No!" Teddy said. "Besides, if they wanted to learn all that other stuff--names and colors and things--they could do it, if they felt like it, later on when they were older. But I'd want them to begin with all the real ways of looking at things, not just the way all the other apple-eaters look at things--that's what I mean."

***

And last but not least: creativity. This was maybe the trigger for all my thoughts - my craving TO CREATE. I’ve been thinking what creation is and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a connection with the force of life, with the transcendent, call it God, call it universal energy, call it what you want… The creator is translating the beauty of life. We are just conductors, messengers of the universal mind. This is why creativity is so important – because there’s a message to be transmitted. And this message can be heard in a free, meditative state of mind, when you let go of everything…

"The most beautiful and most profound experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their primitive forms - this knowledge, this feeling is at the center of true religiousness."

- Albert Einstein

All of this and a lot more has been going through my mind. I never thought I was a religious person!

I am happy. I see more, I feel more, I think more. I’ve woken up.


P.S. I wish it could be spring so I could spend more time in nature… I’m spending too much time in front of the computer.

Tool - Lateralus

Spiral out...keep going...spiral out....





Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind...

I hope for nothing.
I fear nothing.
I am free.

Nikos Kazantzakis' epitaph