муминтрол

всичко около него е приказно
той може да прави халва
и да крачи в ритъма на снега
да си свирука всички песни
и да те гали като арфа
говори езика на децата
и има ключ за всички врати

отключѝ ме
като цвете, като име
изречи ме, изсвири ме
врата нямам, нито име
вярата не ще големи думи
ключът за тях не ѝ е нужен
но защо все пак го има?

точката

точката
зеницата
центърът
на ябълката
на окото
на знанието
за злото и доброто
средоточието на
мудра
мантра
янтра
тантра
клетка
яйцеклетка
аз
ти
плодова мандала
единство без маса
точка!
край.
на думите
и на телата
точка
и начало
на светлината

Поискаха от мен да те опиша. Но как да смеся акорда в дъното на всяка песен с дъха си и мига преди да се събудя? Как да изговоря топлината на гласа ти, който чувам в просъница с глава на бара? Как да нарисувам стъпките на еуфорията, която танцуваш в мен? Как да нарека връхчето на болката, която боде като стъкло в корема ми и шепне: "Страхувай се! Страхувай се! Страхувай се!" Как да изпея съня си, в който тихо и тежко витаеш като възможност? Как да призная страха и срама си, че те създавам? (Как не те бе срам, като го създаде, Господи?) Как да изкрещя усещането за теб... усещането за усещането за теб? Как да премълча, че се радвам, че те има и че трябва да те описвам? Как да се смаля достатъчно, че да мина през вратата ти? Как да превъзмогна ужаса, че ще остана без теме? И как... как... да разбера, че тук въобще не иде реч за тебе?

след съня
излизаш от бездната
и не си сам

dialogue with a river

Когато реката ти проговори
Когато вятърът в дърветата
Следва орбитите на планетите
На кръвта във клетките ти
И ритъмът на клеткитепланетитеклеткитепланетите
Слови през теб без думи
Когато структурата на листата е в сърцето ти
И в танца на момичето отсреща
И всеки дъх е свят
И всеки поглед - песен
Когато видиш нишките на изтъканото
И се вречеш да светиш по духа им
Тогава всичко ще е същото
Но тебе няма да те има

По-горе билото

Навън е крайно, навътре - безкрайно.
Навън е раждане, навътре - зачеване.
Навън е споделяне, навътре - диалог.
Навън е пустиня, навътре - градина.
Навън е тишина, навътре - ОМ.
Навън е ОМ, навътре...
Опа, няма значение! :)

На какво мирише смъртта?

На какво мирише смъртта?
Отвън и отвътре?
Отвън - на мърша и медузи
Отвътре - на лъчи, спирали
Отвън е празна, вътре - пълна
Вътре диша, вън те задушава
Топла като майчина прегръдка вътре
Ледена като шамар от татко вънка
Отвън приспива, вътре буди
Светлината й унищожава вън,
А вътре...
Вътре ти си светлина и смърт.

... (зу)

на терасата ти къпя гълъби
а после ги суша до пепел

свивам се на топка в гърлото
и чакам да заспиш

Как да стигнем в Румъния на Dark Bombastic?

[15:49:27] hindsight: да, може да отвлечем автобус, ще пуснем Дора напред да задава философски въпроси на шофьора
той ще се депресира и ще се самоубие

За истерията и наркотиците

На Р., Н. и А.

Аз съм счупен термометър.
В сърцето ми пее мандала.
В устата ми – Земята.
В очите ми – стружки от паяци, от които слънчасвате.
Когато се смея, се ронят стъкла, които пръсват телата ви на захар.
Ходя по камъните в ръцете ви и ги карам да звънят.
За закуска хапвам слънчев смях и сини пеперуди. За обяд – пост-рок, цветя и планети. За вечеря – Zep, треви и вятър. Нощем гълтам сенките ви и ги изплювам.
Аз съм жълтото цвете в паважа.
Аз съм тракането на влака: Тудуф-тудуф!
Аромат на треви през прозореца на купето.
Мирис на мърша.
Първа цигара с кафето.
Истеричен мак и морско синьо.
Най-вкусният кашкавал в планината след 9 дена глад и дирене.
Крада череши от дворовете ви и мириша на липи. Хвърлям вода към слънцето и гледам как блести. Присвоявам си обективната ви красота и чакам да ме приспи.
Водя ви при Мистър Грей да го питате взима ли наркотици.
Качвам илюзиите ви на стоп и ги запращам в небето. Оставям баба, дядо и детето да ви въртят в ябълка, докато не умрете. Да ви сочат с пръст и да ви се смеят от сърце няколко вечности – че сте толкова малоумни да не знаете:
„Тя просто е. Защото може. Защото така й харесва. Суууупер мноого й е кеф да е!” Докато не разберете, че няма думи, няма думи, тя е, тя е...
Уча смешна медицина. Мия лицето ви с планинска вода и ви давам мана, от която нямате нужда (която дори не е моя).
Обичам ви.
Обичам ви, обичам ви, обичам ви.
Как може да мразиш някого
Като на дъното на всеки
Е оная ми ти... прихнала мандала?

Errinnerung = Inwardization

[Intelligence] receives and accepts impressions from outside, that 'ideas' arise through causal operations on the part of external things upon it, etc., belongs to a point of view utterly alien to what Spirit is, as to the standpoint of its philosophical study. (...) Intelligence is re-cognitive in and for itself ... its product, what is thought, is directly the fact, the simple identity of subjective and objective. It knows that 'what is thought' is 'what is', and that 'what is' only 'is' so far as it is thought. To think is thus simply to have thoughts; to have these alone as content and object."
Hegel - Encyclopaedia of the Philosophical Sciences

The same holds for phenomenological description which rests on the assimilation of  all mental acts to one subjective form, as modifications of an original 'protodoxic'  intentionality of consciousness, in Husserl's language, as modes of Dasein's being-in-theworld, or as even perhaps a function of one's speaking or writing. Not only is subjective objective polarity still residual in these views but the simple fact is not faced that intuiting, imagining or thinking are not properly to be described as acts of a subject in any sense, since subjectivity is already one of the terms in the free intellectual reciprocity in which such acts consist. In recalling anything, for example, I am as much in the object recalled as the object recalled is in me; and so for all cases. Thinking is not the act of a detached ego brooding over an alien world but the self-expressive activity in which it is a matter of indifference whether one says thinking immerses itself in being or being presents itself to thinking.
- Francis L. Jackson - Hegel's Psychology Of Freedom

short & sweet

The first mushroom said: Eat me.
The second mushroom said: I am God.
The third one said: Eat God and let Death do us unite.

За оклюмалия избит клин

тревожните липси се преглъщат
с липсите на памет за онова
което иначе не липсва

~ cadaurus

за вечни... wait what?!

Много ми е интересно юристите как възприемат вечността...

За ползване на гробни места над 8 години се заплащат еднократно такси, както следва:
1. (изм. - ДВ, бр. 119 от 2002 г., в сила от 01.01.2003 г.) до 15 години;
2. (изм. - ДВ, бр. 119 от 2002 г., в сила от 01.01.2003 г.) за вечни времена;

no more to do

"God is not outside us but is just us, the living and the dead, the never-lived and never-died. That we should learn it only now, is supreme reality, it was written a long time ago in the archives of universal mind, it is already done, there's no more to do." ~ Jack Kerouac

Aloha!

I interviewed an American nature writer - Barry Lopez - the other day. He's been to 70 countries, taken part in all sorts of rituals, and he said that there is one thing in common between all religions - The Holy Breath. Prana, The Holy Ghost, Aloha, Nilchi...

He told me the native Hawaiians live with a sense of aloha. The word "aloha" consists of two parts. "Alo" means to share and "ha" means to breathe. Aloha means to share breath, and more precisely to share the breath of life. Native Hawaiians often refer to Westerners as haole. The word "haole" also consists of two parts. "Ha", as we have learned, means breath and "ole" means without. In short, the native Hawaiians see Westerners as being people who are breathless. This is a fundamental difference between the Western culture and the Hawaiian culture. This difference has resulted in, and continues to result in, many confrontations among those who currently make Hawaii their home.

In one of Barry's stories he speaks about the Holy Spirit Wind which to the Navajo steadies us in the world and allows us to move through it gracefully. Their word for it is Nilchi'i. Among the complexities of its translation into English is “the Wind that is Creation's first food, the source of all motion and change, giving life to everything, including the mountains and water.” It is the underlying force that unifies everything and the means of communication between all elements of the natural world. He says: “Other native North American peoples have refined similar ideas; but the Navajo conception is particularly successful in relating the idea of the individual to the concept of a stable society... through Nilchi'i, individuals participate in graces or powers that surpass these of the individual... those graces or powers keep one secure in the world.”

after a long lucid dreaming pause...

First LD night in a long time. I guess this was the reason I had so many vivid dreams.

So I finally got to meet the big monster – sleep paralysis. Everyone’s been warning me about it and I kept laughing and saying there’s no such thing. Well, woke up at 5 for a WILD, you know the drill… Spent like half an hour motionlessly in bed, it wasn’t really pleasant cause I was in-between worlds, and wasn’t quite sure if this was a dream, let alone a lucid one…

All of a sudden a horrifying noise pours over me – I wasn’t sure if it was an earthquake, flooding water, a gate slamming or a coffin closing. Then I felt something covering me, like a blanket (or even earth?) – I was positive my roommate was in the room covering me with a blanket. It felt like being buried alive, literally. Psycho. And it was so real. But it was a really interesting experience, I would do it again!

Anyway, I was able to turn on the other side and the fun began. Almost all of my LDs are WILDs, so I looooove the moment I am finally in the dream world – the moment I look at my hands and the world around me and I’m sooo happy: I’m there! I’m finally there.

1. I’m in a park or something. I see a bar near the park and I go in. People on the stairs look at me as if I’m not allowed to enter but I’m able to control them with my hands – I make a magical gesture and they let me in. I pick a blond guy on the stairs, make a gesture and he comes with me. (He wasn’t even my type, really weird.) I’m holding his hand and the rest of my body is floating in the air like a balloon he’s holding.  We make out, I wake up in the middle of it, haha, figures.

I loved this one:

2. I’m in the street in front of my house. The atmosphere is haunting, yet beautiful and peaceful. It’s been raining, everything is wet, the trees have an emerald glow, the sunlight is really warm, almost sepia, and gives the dream a retro feel. There is an old lady next to me and I’m positive she’s a dream guide. I ask her about her name, she says something like Nevi…

A boy is jumping around, trying to talk to me but I want to talk to my dream guide. She points to my house which looks really old and deserted. The windows in the brick wall are broken. I see a white bride in one of the windows – her hair is in a really tight bun. She is beautiful.

She starts stretching her hands and her whole body out the window and starts crawling like a spider on the red brick wall. Then I look at the other two windows and I see some album covers which come to life and start crawling on the wall too.

None of this scares me, I find it fascinating and keep saying to myself: This is just like a Lynch movie, oh my God, this is so Lynch!

Then I saw lots of bicycles right next to us on the street and asked the lady if she wanted to take a ride. She said OK and all three of us – me, her and the boy got on the bicycles. I tried to pedal but I couldn’t, but was able to ride effortlessly without pedaling.

3. I’m at a fruit and vegetable market, and I want to buy some cherries. However, they don’t look ripe enough to me, and I try to make a magic spell to make them darker. I couldn’t do it but the cherries turned into cherry-formed strawberries.

All of a sudden Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (a spiritual teacher) appears and starts giving out orders because all the food has to be donated to the poor. I keep trying to transform the cherries when the place transforms into a kitchen and a heroin chic girl walks in. She has a hole in her shirt and kind of runs her hand under the shirt and into the hole, so that it appears in front of her face.
I find this really sexy so I start undressing her. I notice she’s incredibly skinny, almost anorexic. She has a big black tattoo on her tummy – 5 rows of text in hieroglyphs. And, as usual, I wake up.

4. It’s just a dream fragment – a deaf and blind girl was singing in front of a choir – her voice was beautiful, and I was amazed how a deaf girl can sing like that.

5. I think I had a musical dream – I kept hearing this crazy composition with Sting’s voice and Bulgarian female choirs, it was amazing but for the life of me I can’t remember it.

6. The last dream was not lucid – I called a friend of mine and told him about the bride dream – it was a really vivid and detailed description, haha, almost the same as the one I just wrote. I basically wrote it in my dream.

divine moments of truth

През любовта към сина ми минава любовта ми към целия свят.

да ти проговори песен след 20 години...

Дали когато съм я слушала на 8 годинки, съм разбирала смисъла й по-добре?



Tomorrow Never Knows

Turn off your mind relax and float down stream
It is not dying, it is not dying

Lay down all thoughts, surrender to the void,
It is shining, it is shining.

Yet you may see the meaning of within
It is being, it is being

Love is all and love is everyone
It is knowing, it is knowing

And ignorance and hate mourn the dead
It is believing, it is believing

But listen to the colour of your dreams
It is not leaving, it is not leaving

So play the game "Existence" to the end
Of the beginning, of the beginning

"Tomorrow Never Knows" is the final track of The Beatles' 1966 studio album Revolver but the first to be recorded. Credited as a Lennon/McCartney song, it was written primarily by John Lennon. An innovative recording, it contributed to Revolver's reputation as one of the group's most influential and expressive albums. Music critic Richie Unterberger of Allmusic said it was "the most experimental and psychedelic track on Revolver, in both its structure and production." The song has a vocal put through a Leslie speaker cabinet (which was normally used as a loudspeaker for a Hammond organ) and uses automatic double tracking (ADT) to double the vocal image. Tape loops prepared by Paul McCartney were mixed in and out of the Indian-inspired modal backing underpinned by Ringo Starr's irregular drum pattern.

John Lennon wrote the song in January 1966, with lyrics adapted from the book The Psychedelic Experience: A Manual Based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead by Timothy Leary, Richard Alpert, and Ralph Metzner, which in turn was adapted from the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Although Peter Brown believed that Lennon's source for the lyric was the Tibetan Book of the Dead itself, which, he said, Lennon read whilst consuming LSD, George Harrison later stated that the idea for the lyrics came from Leary's, Alpert's and Metzner's book and McCartney confirmed this, stating that he and Lennon had visited the newly opened Indica bookshop — Lennon was looking for a copy of The Portable Nietzsche— and Lennon had found a copy of The Psychedelic Experience that contained the lines: "When in doubt, relax, turn off your mind, float downstream".

Lennon bought the book, went home, took LSD, and followed the instructions exactly as stated in the book. The book held that the "ego death" experienced under the influence of LSD and other psychedelic drugs is essentially similar to the dying process and requires similar guidance.

The title never actually appears in the song's lyrics. In an interview McCartney revealed that, like "A Hard Day's Night", it was taken from one of Ringo Starr's inimitable intentional malapropisms. The piece was originally titled "Mark I". "The Void" is cited as another working title but according to Mark Lewisohn (and Bob Spitz) this is untrue, although the books, The Love You Make: An Insider's Story of the Beatles and The Beatles A to Z both cite "The Void" as the original title.

The Red Book

обичам такива хора!

As you can probably guess, I'm rather skeptical of the existence of a metaphysical "soul". If you have evidence, I'd appreciate a link or something.
~ Tedd

а link or smth? култ, култ...

In fact I can't remember why we're alive...

отвъд

the other side of the world

i won't think it
i won't speak it
but i feel it
and i see it
and it comes down
and surrounds us
with sensation
with perfection
without purpose
and there's colour
and there's light
and there's movement
on the other side of the world
with each movement
new reactions
cause sensations
which move through us
and the warm wind
kissed your body
and the sun was rising
on the other side of the world
and there's colour
and there's light
and sensation
on the other side of the world
now i breathe it
and i see it
before thinking
and it's perfect
without purpose
and there's colour
and there's light
and they're rising
on the other side of the world

а, а, точно!

Identity

Now I'm breathing the breath of god,
And the cold wind cleans my
Mind
And I'm standing in a ring of fire, and
My heart s made of light
And I fly across the red mountains.
And my hands contain the sky
And earth rolls away in
Darkness, and I ride a piece of
Lightning,
Killing time, killing time

Now they punish our imagination, and
Corrupt our blood with fear,
And infinity's beneath the ocean, but
Oblivion sits right beside me here
So we are blind and we're polluted,
And each breath is drunk with
Tears
We'll drift away across tomorrow,
And we'll ride the breath of
Nothing
Through the years, killing time,
Killing time.

4:00 ~ translating the beauty of life!

ask yourselves!

Бумеранг

Аз съм стрела
Неподвижна във всеки един миг
За мен целта е измислица
Летя
И се забивам в себе си
Не се страхувам - аз съм страхът
Не дишам - аз съм дъхът
Не се въртя - аз съм кръгът
Не се движа - аз съм пътят
Не се оглеждам - аз съм отражението
Не чакам - аз съм четвъртото измерение.

nonsense and supreme meaning

“The words that oscillate between nonsense and supreme meaning are the oldest and truest.”

- Jung, The Red Book

"You're insignificant.
Yes, you're magnificent
But you're insignificant"

- Amorphous Androgynous

Psychedelics affect all of our mental functions: perception, emotion, thinking, body awareness, and our sense of self.
Perceptual or sensory effects often, but not always, are primary. Objects in our field of vision appear brighter or duller, larger or smaller, and seem to be shifting shape and melting. Eyes closed or open, we see things that have little to do with the outside world: swirling, colorful, geometric cloud patterns, or well-formed images of both animate and inanimate objects, in various conditions of motion or activity.
Sounds are softer or louder, harsher or gentler. We hear new rhythms in the wind. Singing or mechanical sounds appear in a previously silent environment.
The skin is more or less sensitive to touch. Our ability to taste and smell becomes more or less acute.
Our emotions overflow or dry up. Anxiety or fear, pleasure or relaxation, all feelings wax and wane, overpoweringly intense or frustratingly absent. At the extremes lie terror or ecstasy. Two opposite feelings may exist together at the same time. Emotional conflicts become more painful, or a new emotional acceptance takes place. We have a new appreciation of how others feel, or no longer care about them at all.
Our thinking processes speed up or slow down. Thoughts themselves become confused or clearer. We notice the absence of thoughts, or it is impossible to contain the flood of new ideas. Fresh insights about problems come, or we become hopelessly stuck in a mental rut. The significance of things takes on more importance than the things themselves. Time collapses: in the blink of an eye, two hours pass. Or time expands: a minute contains a never-ending march of sensations and ideas.
Our bodies are hot or cold, heavy or light; our limbs grow or shrink; we move upward or downward through space. We feel the body no longer exists, or that the mind and body have separated.
We feel more or less in control of our "selves." We experience others influencing our minds or bodies—in ways that are beneficial or frightening. The future is ours for the taking, or fate has determined everything and there is no point in trying.
Psychedelics affect every aspect of our consciousness. It is this unique consciousness that separates our species from all others below, and that gives us access to what we consider the divine above. Maybe that's another reason why the psychedelics are so frightening and so inspiring: They bend and stretch the basic pillars, the structure and defining characteristics, of our human identity.

- Strassman, DMT: The Spirit Molecule

добре, къв е тоя дуализъм верно?!

vs.

приказка за безсмъртието

Христос воскресе из мертвих, смертию смерт поправ...

Две са надеждите на подземния свят - Ана и Ирина. Те се люлеят на въже, завързано за човешкия ум и го теглят към другия край на Земята. Когато дръпнат прекалено силно, всичко изчезва.
Ана е бяла и добра. Ирина е черна и зла.
Ана идва, когато се запролети и разхожда майския вятър. През лятото Ирина се смее тихо, а през есента пристъпва. Тя е силата, която разлага плодовете и листата в земята.
Те са най-долу.
Ана и Ирина имат една цел: да накарат хората да спрат да мислят. Понякога, късно вечер в двойната люлка, сестрите водят дълги спорове дали да не накарат хората да спрат да виждат. Но май ги е страх, че ако ги накарат, ще изчезнат.
Смешното е, че никой никога не ги е виждал. Ако те опънат въжето, за да изтеглят някого, умът му се увива около него и той... ами, разбирате.
Там е работата, че всички си мислят, че Ана и Ирина знаят тайната на безсмъртието. Много смелчаги са тръгвали слепешката по въжето надолу, но малцина са стигали отвъд мъглата и реката.
Проблемът е, че това не е обикновена река - за да я прекосиш, трябва да се гмурнеш в нея, защото въжето пробива земята. Трябва да стигнеш дъното и да изровиш дупка. На края й те чакат Ана и Ирина.
Един единствен момък успя да говори с тях и да се върне, но за съжаление те му отрязаха езика и ръцете и сега не знаем какво са му казали.
Разбира се, не си представяйте как Ана реже хладнокръвно езици и ръце. Тя никога не би направила това. По-скоро би гледала с бяла необходимост в очите, как сестра й се къпе в кръв.
Всъщност има дни, в които едната от двете спи. Понякога Ана люлее Ирина в обятията си. Понякога Ирина поглъща Ана. Често едната сестра крие другата в крилете си.
Нашият момък трябва да е бил голям карък да попадне долу, точно когато Ирина поглъща Ана. Представям си как я поглежда в черните очи и пита: "Коя си ти?" Тя отвръща лукаво: "Не знам." Нашият не се отказва и пита: "Какво е да не знаеш?" (Не е глупав човекът.) Ирина се усмихва и казва: "Да не знаеш е да не можеш да кажеш."
В този момент момъкът се сеща за какво е дошъл и пита: "Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам", отвръща Ирина (естествено).
"Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам."
"Каква е тайната на безсмъртието?"
"Не знам."
Три дена и три нощи не се отказал смелият момък, докато в един миг не схванал, че тайната на безсмъртието е да не знаеш и сам помолил Ирина да му отреже езика и ръцете.
Разбира се, вие няма как да станете безсмъртни, като прочетете някаква приказка. Трябва сами да слезете долу да ви отрежат езика и ръцете. :)

fear in a handful of dust

There is shadow under this red rock, 
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
 And I will show you something different from either
 Your shadow at morning striding behind you
 Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
 I will show you fear in a handful of dust. 


 ~ T.S.Eliot

are you there?

“My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak. I call you—are you there? I have returned. I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you again.”
~ Jung - The Red Book, p. 232

nothing lasts...

Ана: Защо е умрял?
Дара: Наистина ли искаш да ти разкажа?
Ана: Да.
Дара: Защото е бил много тъжен...
Ана: И сега на небето ли е?
Дара: Да.
Ана: Защо не мога да го видя?
Дара: Защото като умре някой, вече го няма на земята...
Ана: Ти ще умреш ли?
Дара: Неее, няма скоро да умра!
Ана: Защо?
Дара: Защото съм млада.
Ана: Искам цял ден да си на земята!

 Yes, you're magnificent...
But you're insignificant!

...

Някой да ме научи как се боледува...

They Speak With Knives

На З., Л., Д., Х., Г. и М.

Ако това е езикът на ножовете
Това са единствените думи
Които искам да знам
Думи, които режат
За да дадат живот
Защото всичко става
Чак когато се откажеш
Вземи спокойно ножа от масата
И го забий в корема си
За да покълне светлина
Kураж да бъдеш огледален
Негатив на себе си
Абсолютно инобитие
Остави спокойно ножа на масата
По върха му - син покой
Виж се в ръцете на джуджето
Там, където
Дори ангелите говорят наобратно
Само ако ножовете можеха да говорят...

wie magst du was begehrn

Wie magst du was begehrn?
Du selber kannst allein
Der Himmel und die Erd
und Tausend Engel sein.
~ Angelus Silesius

фонтанът

Кефи ме това дърво
Листата му светят
Клоните му са корени
По ствола му тече ток
Не го пипай
Да не светнеш като крушка

how about a positive story? :P

Кой съм аз?

арлекин съм
мъртъв за живота
чужд на смъртта


"Ощ" не дава отговори, а самото то е отговор, който може и да не разберете, но ще почувствате сами за себе си.


- Веселина Сариева

circumlunar

обичам те, мая
ти си част от мен
но аз не съм ти
аз дори не съм аз
защото съм в теб
но теб те няма

ааааh jed

A With Living

Trust the shuffle
Turn on the volume
Close your eyes
And ride

Do nothing
Make nothing
Say nothing
Think nothing
Being right feels good
But feeling right is best

Death?
I've been dead for years
I just never saw it
Look ma, no eyes!

I write the lines for your silence
Your bluffs are empty
Your roads are empty
You can't control us
You can't control us
Anymore

The name of the game is Life

Heal yourselves!

Jesus:
My time
Is almost through
Little left to do
After all
I've tried for three years
Seems like thirty
Seems like thirty

Crowd:
See my eyes I can hardly see
See me stand I can hardly walk
I believe you can make me whole
See my tongue I can hardly talk

See my skin I'm a mass of blood
See my legs I can hardly stand
I believe you can make me well
See my purse I'm a poor, poor man

Will you touch, will you mend me Christ?
Won't you touch, will you heal me Christ?
Will you kiss, you can heal me Christ
Won't you kiss, won't you pay me Christ?

Jesus:
Oh, there's too many of you, don't push me
Oh, there's too little of me, don't crowd me
Heal yourselves!

within

Through their own conduct [people] often lock themselves out of the best that is within them. Only afterward do they realize how poor they have become. They have cut themselves off from the world of goodness and beauty within them. . . . So many people have to bear this burden. It is what makes them lose heart. They pass a garden and know that the flowers blossoming in it are no longer for them.
— Albert Schweitzer, quoted in Thoughts for Our Times, Peter Pauper Press, 1975

загуба на настояще в спомен за болката

На Д.Р.
Съблечи паметта от настоящето. Горещо му е и не може да тича, да се пързаля и да се люлее. Спокойно. Няма да настине. Винаги можеш да го облечеш, като му стане студено. Сега го остави да тича.

Rajshree Patel talks about Power of Breath - Sudarshan Kriya

I'm nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

- Emily Dickinson

смях

Искам да съм бременна с теб
Позволи ми да те обичам,
Както бих обичала детето в утробата си
Дали ще мога?
Да обичам смеха ти, когато си вън от мен
Да обичам смеха на всички хора в утробата си?
Да те приема в нея,
Щом вече съм била в твоята?

Hún Jörð

Кой би предположил, че Sigur Rós са способни на такива неща? :D

Our Mother, who art in Earth,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
On us as it is in you.
As you send Thy angels every day,
Send them to us aswell
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trespass against you.
And lead us not into sickness,
But deliver us from evil,
Because yours is the earth
And the body
And the health
Amen.

softly be

Don't try to figure it out. It's too simple for intellect/the mind.
And then, and this is good...
Just softly (right? softly)..be with what informs you that you exist.
Righto cheerio? It's simple. No need to complicate it...
I like the softly be with that which informs you that you exist. Yea. That is all that is necessary..all the rest ain't...necessary...okay? Take care...and once again...softly be...
- Bo

Consecration of the Space

In the Infinite Circle of the Divine Presence which completely envelopes me, I affirm that:

There is only one presence here -- it is HARMONY, which creates a vibration in all hearts of happiness and joy.
Whoever enters here will feel the vibration of Divine Harmony.

There is only one presence here -- it is LOVE. God is love, which envelopes all beings in a single feeling of unity. This sanctuary is filled with the presence of love. In Love, I live, I move and I exist.
Whoever enters here will feel the pure and holy Presence of Love.

There is only one presence here - it is TRUTH. All that exists here, all that is spoken here, all that is brought here is the expression of Truth.
Whoever enters here will feel the Presence of Truth.

There is only one presence here -- it is JUSTICE. Justice reigns in this sanctuary. Every act practiced here is ruled and inspired by Justice.
Whoever enters here will feel the Presence of Justice.

There is only one presence here -- it is the presence of God, who is GOODNESS. No evil can enter here. There is no evil in God. God, who is Goodness, dwells here.
Whoever enters here will feel the Divine Presence of Goodness.

There is only one presence here -- it is the presence of God, who is LIFE. God is the essential Life of all beings. He is the health of body and mind.
Whoever enters here will feel the Divine Presence of life and Health.

There is only one presence here -- it is the presence of God, who is PROSPERITY. God is Prosperity because She makes everything grow and prosper. God expresses Herself through the Prosperity of all that is carried out in Her name.
Whoever enters here will feel the Divine Presence of Prosperity and Abundance.

Through the esoteric symbol of the Divine Wings, I am in harmonious vibration with the universal currents of Wisdom, Power & Joy.
The Presence of Divine Wisdom is manifested here.
The Presence of Divine Joy is deeply felt by all those who enter here.

In the perfect communion between my lower self and my Higher Self, which is God in me, I consecrate this sanctuary to the perfect expression of all divine qualities which are in me and in all beings. The vibrations of my thoughts are the forces of God in me, which are stored here and hence radiated to all beings -- thus establishing this place as a center of giving and receiving of all that is Good, Joyful and Prosperous.

detachment

Whatever is on my mind, I say it as I feel it, I'm truthful to myself; I'm young and I'm old, I've been bought and I've been sold, so many times. I am hard-faced, I am gone. I am just like you.
- Henry Barthes (Detachment)

from the atom to the universe

"Sooner or later nuclear physics and the psychology of the unconscious will draw closer together as both of them, independently of one another and from opposite directions, push forward into transcendental territory, the one with the concept of the atom, the other with that of the archetype" - Jung

The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living

by d u o

Damien Hirst - I Am Become Death, Shatterer of Worlds

(c) Reuters

Logos Police

Logos Police
Arrest this man
He thinks too much…

Полицията на Логос
Оглежда главата ми за мисли
Намира
Полицията на Логос
Заслепени пеперуди
В отчаян полет
Към мантрата на тавана
Лови ги в мрежи
Хвърля ги през носа
Издишам
Полицаи, мисли, мрежи, пеперуди
Излизам
Забравих лампата светната

истината

- Когато истината изпълни заблудата и я разтвори в себе си, тя се връща в себе си.
- Значи истината е, че заблуда няма? Но какво е истината без заблудата?
- Точка без маса.
- Значи истината я няма?
- Да, без заблудата истината е слънце без лъчи.
- Но слънцето поглъща лъчите. Тях ги няма!
- Да, никога не ги е имало.
- Но тогава за какво са й лъчите?
- Заблудите ли?
- Проявленията - за какво са й те?
- За да съществува.
- Без тях тя няма да съществува?
- Да.
- Значи истината не съществува?
- Истината не съществува.

:)

"Страхът е любов, обърнатa с главата надолу."

- Шри Шри

what for? what truth?

No joy and not much changed
I'm still here same old way

How long? Where to?
What for? What truth?

And it's strange you can tell
Always leave, never dwell
Running, restless ache
Must believe for heaven's sake

Don't know where to go
Hung by a thread I'm misled
How long? Where to?
What for? What truth?

aha

soul energy

Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.
William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

o0o0x0x

by o0o0x0x

all gone

This quality won't come again
Completely overwhelmed with nothing
Compare, acquire to the pain
Just tell them everything is perfect
We were already down on the floor

OSI - For Nothing


Hope is the last thing that he needs
Hope is a candle that feeds
Off of the edge
And it needs almost nothing
Hope only got us so far
And the saddest thing is the wind
That blows your head
On the seeds of our Nothing

we will be ephemeral


Slowly recognize the scale

We will be ephemeral

We will be ephemeral



Fact isn't what you see
Not anymore
, what it used to be

,
Fact isn't what you see
Not what it used to be

I'm flowing with black water

Into a loss of surgency

Into a loss of surgency

we are all everything at once

Once we understand that the integrity of our personal existences are completely dependent on the integrity of everything else in our world.
We have truly understood the meaning of unconditional love.
For love is extensionality and seeing everything as you
and you as everything can have no conditionalities, for in fact, we are all everything at once. (Peter Joseph, Zeitgeist Addendum)

but you catch yourself trying

Salt water rising
On a beautiful day
The flood only washing the wants away
Cool light in the sun
And you're still where you begun

Long have I waited here for nothing to come
The sequence of twisted turns
That can't be undone

But you catch yourself trying....
But you catch yourself trying....
But you catch yourself trying....

141354235252 пъти.

a glimpse of her grace

Oh, I swear
Saw her right out there

Caught a glimpse of her grace,
Slightly misplaced.

She’s around
Without audible sound

Covers the mood with a gloom,
She’s alone in the room.

Today time froze
And I will need a cause
To carry on on my own

The walls are melting
The walls are melting
The walls are melting
The walls are melting

10 898 м. под водата

Please don't bother me
Sleeping under the sea
Where I've found peace
Found my sweet release

Oh the world doesn't spin
Around You

just a bad dream

Дара: Целуни ме и тогава решавай.
Не: (...)
Не... Не... НЕ. Тази вечер ще си легнеш, утре ще се събудиш и аз ще съм едно от лошите неща, които са ти се случвали.

(please put me to bed
and turn down the light)

fold down your hands
give me a sigh
put down your lies

lay down next to me
don't listen when I scream
bury your doubts and fall asleep

find out I was just a bad dream

let the bed sheet soak up my tears
and watch the only way out disappear
don't tell me why
kiss me goodbye

for neither ever nor never
goodbye
neither ever nor never
goodbye

My heart leaps up when I behold

MY heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began,
So is it now I am a man,
So be it when I shall grow old
Or let me die!
The child is father of the man:
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

- Wordsworth

We're All One

Колкото повече дълбае тъгата, толкова повече освобождава място за радост. ~ Джубран

родос

- Хората, които все повтарят, че са добре сами, се самозалъгват, защото е естествено да искаш човек до себе си. Прекрасно е даже.
- Какво значи да искаш човек до себе си? За какво ти е той? А ти за какво си му? Живее се за мига. Тук е реката, скачай!
- Тук е Родос, скачай...
- Ами да, това като хората, дето мечтаят за България на Асеневци. Няма България на Асеневци, има България на Бойко Борисов, това е.

7

Творецът е 7.
Всеки е 7.

For I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin...
I am the barren one, and many are her sons...
I am the silence that is incomprehensible....
I am the utterance of my name.

WHY WE BELIEVE IN WHAT WE DO?

For I am knowledge and ignorance
I am shame and boldness
I am shameless; I am ashamed.
I am strength and I am fear.
I am war and peace.
Give heed to me.
I am the one who is disgraced and the great one.

WHY WE BELIEVE IN WHAT WE DO?

And they will find me there,
And they will find me there,
And they will find me there,
and they will live,
they'll not die again.

lightning

Constantly forgiving you and myself is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

heraclitus on sleep

"A person in (the) night kindles a light for himself, since his vision has been extinguished. In his sleep he touches that which is dead, though (himself) alive, when awake touches that which sleeps."

"Even sleepers are workers and collaborators on what goes on in the universe."

"Death is what we see waking. What we see in sleep is a dream."

“It is not appropriate to act and speak like men asleep.”

“Men forget where the way leads and what they meet with every day seems strange to them.We should not act and speak like men asleep.”

нищо

Няма нищо за приемане,
Нищо за отхвърляне,
Нищо за разтваряне!
Нищо за задържане,
нищо за оставяне,
нищо за разтваряне!
Това е истината.
Няма нищо за схващане,
Нищо за отърваване,
Нищо за разтваряне!
Това е цялата истина.
Няма нищо за прегръщане,
нищо за напускане,
нищо за разтваряне!
Свободен от привързване,
Свободен от желание,
Тих.
Макар такъв, аз съм Истинското Същество,
о, какво чудо!
Но в това Себе
няма нищо за постигане
и нищо за премахване.
Когато липсва този претенциозен малък аз,
тогава има свобода.
Аштавакра Гита, Сатялок, Индия

devin - ghost

How, everybody?
How about a body at moonlight
How about a body at home
How about a body at moonlight,
How our body's alone
I don't want to bother your moonlight
I don't want to bother your soul
I don't want to bother your moonlight
How our body's alone
Say, Cold
Cold,
Cold.
How about a body at moonlight
How about a body at home
How about a body at moonlight,
How our body's alone
I don't want to bother your moonlight
I don't want to bother your soul
I don't want to bother your moonlight
How our body's alone
Say, Cold
Cold,
Ghost.
Tonight.
Bathe in the light…
It's alright.
Say, Cold
Ghost...
Ghost...
I'm out of body at moonlight
I'm out of body at home
I'm out of body at moonlight
How our body's alone
I don't want to bother your moonlight
I don't want to bother your soul
I don't want to bother your moonlight,
How our body's alone
Tonight, tonight.
Soothe your mind.

йес, бе!

Деси намери рийдъра!

винаги

Заблудила съм се.
Не е самовнушение.
Тя винаги е истинска.
Но испанците са по-прави от сърбите.
Защото тя е липса.
Пространство и празнота.
Да, всички космически филми са любовни.

lucid dream journal 2

Really foggy lucid dreams, I was very tired.

I had the waking up within the dream phenomena for the first time tho which was fun!
Ehm, all I remember was:
1. I was trying to talk to random people about my bachelor thesis and it worked - they told me stuff I hadn't figured out.
2. I asked my mom what would make her happy? She replied: holding two baby gloves (meaning my son's and his little friend's)
3. I told a guy in a shop he was beautiful - he was an old guy, and he was reeeeally peculiar, and I told him he was beautiful cause I was amazed what my own imagination created. Everyone around started clapping, haha. Me clapping to myself, ain't I egocentric?
4. I was showing a girl at home how flying around is a piece of cake. She asked: "Well, what if it's a terrible dream?"
I told her: "Well, then you jump off the window, and kill yourself."
Which was funny cause I think life is a dream, but killing yourself in real life would be considered insane.

I think that's it. Really chaotic this time, I should sleep more.

i discovered that if you don't trust the dream and start pushing toward a certain goal, things around you totally screw up. you wanna see your dad in the dream but all of a sudden you end up in australia (that's dream reality, totally illogical) and you're mad cause you couldn't see your dad. if you were just enjoying the trip to australia, everything would've been fine. just go with the flow, and know that life / the dream ALWAYS surprises you.

сарва бхутани ча атмани

П.: Преди три месеца Шри Кришна отново се появи пред мен и ми каза: „Защо ме молиш за ниракара упасана? Себето е във всичко и всичко е във Себето (сарва бхутешу ча атманам сарва бхутани ча атмани).
М.: Това съдържа цялата истина. Дори това знание е индиректно (упачарика). Всъщност няма нищо освен Атман. Светът е единствено проекция на ума. Умът възниква от Атман. И така, Атман е Единственото Битие.
П.: Все пак е трудно да се осъзнае.
М.: Няма нищо за осъзнаване. Той вечен, чист, буден и свободен (нитя, шуддха, буддха и мукта). Той е естествен и непреходен. Няма нищо ново за постигане. От друга страна, човек трябва да се освободи от невежеството си. Това е всичко.
Това невежество трябва да се проследи до източника му. За кого е това невежество? За какво човек е невеж? Има субект и обект. Тази дуалност е характеристика на ума. Умът произлиза от Атман.
П.: Да. Самото невежеството не може да съществува.
Най-накрая той се отдаде, казвайки: „Също както докторът научава кое не е наред с пациента и го лекува според диагнозата, нека така стори и Бхагаван с мен.”
Той каза също, че е загубил всякаква склонност да изучава книги и да се ръководи от тях. - Разговор 104
- Рамана Махарши

паралелни спомени (николай николов)

напоследък се събуждам нощем студен
и издишвам мисли от лед.
издишвам мисли за теб.

вдиш-вай-ки вся-ка се-кун-да,
бавно се уча наново да дишам,
часовникът ме влудява,
а в лудостта си се питам -

ако замразя цялата стая с дъха си,
ще спре ли времето тук?
ще се събудя ли в някое бъдеще,
в което животът е друг:
когато науката дава отговори вместо въпроси,
когато ще мога да знам
какво да направя
или най-добре
как
да
забравя?

тогава притварям очи
и пътувам между световете,
които ти ми разкри.
а там някъде паралелното ми "аз"
е щастливо
(и спи).

из the destruction of small ideas

За невъзможното трето (Cadaurus)

ако да - ще бъдем
ако не - ще пишем
няма изход от идилията

из Accidents In Mutual Silence

мда

- Непреходно ли е?
- Не.
- Непреодолимо ли е?
- Не.
- Тогава? Какво чакаш?

lucid dream journal 1

This morning was phuuun, phuuun! I had two lucid dreams:

Dream 1

I go into my dream body: I'm at home, my mom is in bed. I rub my hands, look at them, this moment is always exhilerating. I try spinning so I can stay in the dream. My mom is not very surprised, I often do it in real life so nothing new here. It's dark outside and I don't like it. I start snapping my fingers towards the window and saying: "Light! Light! Light!" and the sky is getting lighter. My mom, however, gets mad:

"Light, light - what is it with you people with this constant longing for light?!"

(Philosophical, eh?)
It didn't get totally sunny the way I wanted it though.

Then I hear my son laughing, I see him sitting on a chair and pick him up - he's like 2 years younger, and I'm like: "Oh my Goooood, Yoyo, you're so small and light!"
I was so happy to see my baby son that I awoke.

Dream 2

I guess it was a WILD cause I got into my dream body, I was at a secluded area somewhere in the mountains - hand rubbing and looking again, and I decided to fly over the trees. I flew over a city to a sea shore and a beach. Then it got very dark, I was at a pool or something, sitting next to a chubby aging guy who was pretty happy and cynical. I asked him:
"Who are you?"
He was like: "Well, isn't this the scariest question of all? I'm the answerer. (Отговорчикът!)"
Then I saw my son in the water and asked him:
"Are you happy?"
"Why?", he replied.
It's getting more and more philosophical, and I love it. "Why" is a great answer to "Are you happy?" It's like... happiness is a natural state and asking about it only spoils it.

Then someone told me that my son's teacher hurt his leg or something, and I got scared => lost my lucidity.

******** riders

Това е най-сериозното нещо, което някога ти се е случвало... и то не е сериозно! :D

Номерът е не да ги гледаш фракталите, а да осъзнаеш, че ти си фрактал и да видиш колко е секси и смешно!

Пусни се.

Махай! Махай! Махай!

Когато се събудиш в съня, няма страх.

Нямам толкова мана, Даниел, нямам толкова мана.

- Сънувам ли, Зу?
- Да, сънуваш.

Защо е толкова силно? Искам да го махна от себе си, искам да го махна от себе си!

Обективната истина е субективна.

Ти си истината.

An infinite loop of catharses ad absurdum.

И тя казва: "Само едно нещо се иска, едно-едничко, за да се слееш с мен - изхвърли си разсъдъка..."

На хора като Alex Grey, Хъксли, Блейк, Анри Мишо, Майстер Екхарт и всички останали мистици трябва да се изгради паметник, че изнамират силата да го опишат. Ако ще и калпаво.
И пак имам чувството, че сън съвсем в началото...

Прозявка през плач през смях: Оставете ме да заспя! Защо би искал да се върнеш в съня?

Soen - Canvas

i have discovered a canvas
behind its colors i forge myself
meanings below that we set up low
and suddenly i see
that everyone is blind but me

i have discovered a canvas
deep in the sea of this harmony
cosmic embrace
a solace portray of endless energy
visions are moving away from me

concentrate, don't lose your illusion

don't let them provide a solution
you're faint in your head
close your eyes from false shining lies
made to confuse us all
architectures of domination
society they call

i have discovered a canvas
using its colors i saw my Self
breaking the norm
induce a reform, defy insanity
bred in the care of my vanity

see them entirely abstract
out of the orbit we comprehend...

harmony

never fought harder than this
i built my temple on this
pushing, fighting, bleeding, taking, giving
every second closer to the ceiling
i will assemble all this
down to the last broken piece
tension in the atmosphere is lower
gravity is slowly taking over

lucid

А всъщност въпросите "Буден ли съм?" и "Сънувам ли?" са еднозначни. :)

TRIP #4

by jbark

So this is the trip I need help understanding. It floored me. It horrified me to my core - humbled, baffled, obliterated, and scattered me like nothing else has. It made me swear off spice and all other entheo/psychedelics forever...

Now, had I been alone, no big deal. I don’t frighten easily (another classic sign of stupidity), but with my son there I had a revelation: if it came down to it and a bear came charging out of the woods at us, I felt certain that I would run, drawing the beast away to sacrifice myself to save my son . I don’t take this lightly : it was the first time I realized, despite all the philoso-babble to the contrary, that you can indeed commit a truly selfless act. It freaked my selfish little self out. I was terrified (for the first of two times that day as I was to discover later…) - terrified both for my son and by the realization that if a bear did present itself, I would die a grizzly death (pardon the pun…).

First of all, much respect to those who can navigate these deep swampy waters; I for one have no vessel and no oar, and in the absence of a keel to direct the path, I am lost lost lost and fear I shall never be found for there is nowhere to be found and no one to find or do the finding and nothing but this maelstrom, this void that is as empty and vacuous as anything my imagination can behold…

Massive primary coloured letters of sorts – most indecipherable, but at least one a strange permutation of the capital letter E, hurtling toward me without really moving in the chaotic miasma that I am in/that is in me/that is me.

Thrust into the maelstrom and stripped so profoundly of the impression that « I am » and that I exist, that whatever is left of me is thoroughly convinced that all I believed I had experienced, up to now, reveals itself, like a dagger through the heart of the mind, as an elaborate illusion to which I shall never return. Worse than cessation, more painful than the thought of death is the realization that you NEVER WERE… (note : I have, in my clearer moments, accepted my death and have faced it numerous times with other materials, but this, as with my experiences with salvia, was of an order more disturbing, to say the least…)

In the midst of the mess was a chorus : « it’s Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, it’s Saturday » screeching across the vista of my mind, until, sitting up and opening my eyes in a futile attempt to dispel the hell, I realize, seeing the room utterly transformed, that it is me screaming the day of the week – but it’s not me as well. And it’s Sunday. And I am never coming back to know what a day of the week is, because there is NO BACK TO, NO FROM, AND NO TO (let alone the mundanity of a day of a week of some year in some life). (note : I had a similar salvia trip where my field of view was filled with orange monochromatic, puffy and expanding, thick, black-outlined cartoon school buses, and a similar chorus was singing, invitingly, menacingly and with ambivalence all at once in voices that were a dis/harmony of insectoid screeches layered over the clearest of sopranos : « it’s Wednesday, Wednesday, it’s Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday… » ; yes, accompanied with the same sensations described above – IT FELT LIKE THE SAME PLACE. Maybe my mind is not constructed for the use of these substances…)

A loop - endless inexorable recursion… I sit up and then fall back into a cartoon abyss of colours and Saturday Saturday Saturday… Endless eternal indomitable recursion, an irremediable feedback loop (note : curiously I have always maintained that video/audio feedback loops are the face/voice of god…) – consciousness itself ? Am I at the root of the Hofstadter loop? The MandelThought ? The firmware of my mind ? Is this a breakthrough, pure and horrifying ? Have I disabled the illusion, unbuilt the edifice of « consensual reality » to get down to the base, most reptilian and ancient form of simple consciousness – a terrifying self-referential eternal loop of non-being ? or un-being ? the horror…

The universe and our consciousness (common and universal or not) is neither good nor evil nor ambivalent, but rather profoundly indifferent, and as neutral as any void can be. I feel this more than I know it.

Once the most intense of these sensations passed, I am able to open my eyes. There is another dimension visible : height, length, width and the passage of time have newly revealed themselves, but in addition to these co-ordinates is another. I don’t need to tell you it was indescribable, but I will nevertheless do my best with these monkey paws and keystrokes. Like trailers from walls and stairs and in the very air itself, but at once so much more than a simple visual phenomenon, I feel I am glimpsing something new to me, but that has always been there. I feel not unlike a beast who understands up, down, to and fro and has a sudden epiphany that it exists also in a universe of passing moments, conceptualizing past, present and future in an instant through the sudden awakening of a new sense.

I realize I am no more than a raw ego-less nerve of consciousness, subjected to a nonsensical and arbitrary string of luminescent and aural detritus. (Note : I meant during the trip, but the cynic in me supposes this could be applied to everyday living…)

It felt about as spiritual as a kitchen knife excoriation. I can only conclude that the spiritual aspect of this substance lies in the interpretation of the experience - but that contradicts my very understanding of spirituality as something felt not thought. I don’t…

I enjoy challenges, but this seems insurmountable, an unassailable task of back and forth and down down down through a self-perpetuating, Sisyphean recursive loop, like a perpetual motion ride past the far reaches of sanity… Where is the value in this ? What wisdom is to be had that cannot otherwise be gleaned ?

Cresting and lulling waves messing with the fine mesh of mind…

Other Spice journeys stimulated, made me think ; this one ground the thinking apparatus to a precipitous halt. Beyond intellect and beyond description and above all beyond even intuitive comprehension. The ball that rolled didn’t only cease to roll, it first became a cube, then vaulted through and beyond the realm of multi-dimensional polyhedra and became an ineffable 8i5v n 843-tg8i’jiknp2… I can’t even attempt to understand. The only questions that remain are whether it is worth returning to hyperspace (assuming I was there…) and – is…it…dangerous… ?

I don’t want to discredit the advice often given on the nexus to remain calm and not to resist, but to me at this point it is analogous to hitting someone in the head with a bat and telling them not to feel the pain (note : I am sure some zen aficionados out there will have something to say on this subject). I suppose I did resist, but I have no clear idea through what mechanism, ‘cause I did not feel there was an active I to resist with. « I » was obliterated, so if there was resistance and an absence of calm, from whence… ?

If you can’t make sense of something because the word sense no longer applies or signifies, then is there a point, a meaning beyond simply an absence thereof ?

At what cost wisdom ? and is it wisdom if it proves unwise ? There are so many paths to wisdom, and none of them promised or guaranteed – therein lies their beauty and value. But in the balance of things, is the price and the risk involved in certain behaviours, along uncertain paths worth the distant possibility of wisdom ? Someone hit by a truck, paraplegic, learns lessons everyday that no one not confined to a wheelchair and incapable of voluntary movement can learn. There is wisdom here that can be learned nowhere else, but no one in their right mind would throw themselves in front of a truck to gain these insights. There are other paths and other wisdoms ; are we throwing ourselves in front of a truck called spice ? Or am I ? Or is it only me that feels this way ?

Thanks for reading ; sorry for the length. Tough write. Not really in my nature to expose myself like this, nor to ask for help. But I guess that’s spice right?

IS WHAT’S OUT THERE'S WHAT’S IN HERE?

The Heritage

The father to his son,
Says you have to be weak to be strong
You have to be scared to be brave,
You have to know fear to be saved
The son to his father,
Says I'm too scared to be a man
I'm too dumb to be a fool,
Father help me understand
And he says
War war war,
War against your soul
Dig dig dig,
Dig your coffin's hole
Everyone must face their demons
And now the turn is yours
Father what's it all about,
Am I too in to get out
Am I too guilty to be free,
Are the whole world sinners or just me
Son you've got the whole thing wrong,
The road is neither short nor long
The answer's neither white nor black,
And it weighs heavy on your back
Go go go,
Go until you're old
Run run run,
Run to catch your soul
Every man must learn to love his demon,
Your demon's name is yours
War war war,
War against your soul
Dig dig dig,
Dig your coffin's hole
Everyone must face their demons
And now the turn is yours

- Martin Grech

Ясен Гюзелев...

...за творческата интуиция и световете, в които физиката и философията се срещат: ЦЪК!

яж желязо

Направи си шейк
От желязо и шоколад
На стружки
Не, по-добре желязо на прах
Изпиваш го и чакаш
Ръждата в кръвта
Докато ръждясаш
Внимавай да не го ядеш
Със свинско
Защото ще остане дълго
Във червата
И всичко това
Защото си вегетарианец

Mantra

Тази мантра стана част от мен
Сърцето ми я диша
Душата ми я диша
Цялото ми тяло я диша
Всяка глътка въздух е мантра
Всяка глътка вода е мантра
Всяка лъжица захар е мантра
Всяка целувка е мантра
Всяка прегръдка е мантра
Всяка песен е мантра
Всяка раздяла е мантра
Всеки страх е мантра
Всяка болка е мантра
Всяко съмнение е мантра
Всяка заблуда е мантра
Всяка любов е мантра
Дишай
Издишай
Сърцето ми я сънува
Мрънка си я под носа
Сънувай спокойно, сърце
Дишай спокойно, сърце
Вече ти инжектираха мантра
И нищо не може да те докосне.

There's a little black spot on the sun today...

Дара: Боли ли те?
Ния: Да.
Дара: Болката е въпрос на избор.
Ния: Значи искам да ме боли?
Дара: Обичаш ли болката?
Ния (смее се): Явно!
Дара: А обичаш ли картини?
Ния: Това какво общо има?
Дара: Обичаш ли картини?
Ния: Много.
Дара: Болката е картина. Опитай се да я задраскаш.
Ния: Това е глупаво.
Дара: Задраскай я.
Ния: Добре.
Дара: Какво виждаш?
Ния: Кръст.
Дара: Ето това е болката. В момента, в който се опиташ да я задраскаш, тя се появява. Цялата тази болка е илюзия. Много по-страшен е страхът от нея. Когато се опиташ да я видиш, тя се появява. Когато се опиташ да я оковеш, се озоваваш с куп железа в сърцето. А ако просто пробваш да пъхнеш пръст в нея, да я хванеш, тя се изпарява. Болката е празно платно, въздух, илюзия. Не я задрасквай. Не я обличай в думи. Не я прави истина.

сърце ала бекет

умирам
трябва да стана
не мога да стана
ще стана

формална логика

Страшен е не Животът, а съдържанието му.

на клубче и половин сандвич ;)

Снежни брегове. По тях пълзи черна боя. Заливат ги черни вълни, които покълват в снега и се просмукват в земята. Черна земя, черни дървета, черни къщи, черни лица, които нямат израз, които ходят всеки ден на работа и светят само в моменти на надежда. Които обичат и стъпват на пръсти, за да не събудят другия, за да не му изкарат ангелите. Всички имаме ангели. Дори демоните са ангели, които ни водят у дома. У дома, където земята не е черна, където дърветата не са черни, където морето не е черно, където хората са цели, където хората са андрогини и се търкалят ведро по слънчевата земя.

парчетата ангели в парчетата хора

Тялото ми се разгражда в струните на музиката. Тялото ми става на атомни частици, които вие всички вдишвате. Това е тялото ми, което вдишвате. Аз гледам как сте се впили в телата си, как сте се вкопчили в коси, кожи, бедра, носове, които вдишват тела, но не вдишват хора. Вие поемате музиката, която направи тялото ми на прах и после правите други тела на прах с музиката си. Облаци от човешки прах засенчват слънцето като скакалци, които отмъщават за човешката глупост - да си вкопчен в тялото си, в глада си, в жаждата си, в органите си, в себе си, в дъха си, в носа си. Във всички тези парченца, които стъпват тихо по земята, за да не събудят другите, за да не им изкарат ангелите. Парчетата ангели в парчетата хора.

m4

Womb. Me and my own embryo.

Me: Who are you?
Embryo: I'm a dead bird.
Me: So you've got wings?
Embryo: Yeah, in my head.
Me: So you've got a head?
Embryo: I've got a head with wings.
Me: This is new age mumbo jumbo! This is bullshit.
Embryo: Bullshit is what bullshit does.
Me: What do you do?
Embryo: I laugh, I dance, I sing.
Me: So you're human?
Embryo: No, I'm a dead bird, I told you.
Me: So humans are dead birds?

m3

Дръж се за себе си
Хвани оголеното си сърце в ръце
Ако не почувстваш нищо
Значи си се научил

m2

Лъчи разкъсват гърдите ми
Хиляди души излитат
Греят с несветеща светлина
След тях идват гълъбите
Малки и сини - водни
Почти като птичката на Буковски
Заливат и давят душите
Които не знаят, че са риби
Всяка има камък на шията
Който я тегли стремглаво надолу
Докато не й пораснат
Перки, опашка, хриле
Най-после съм у дома

m1

Лято е
Мирише на липи
У дома мирише на бездомни
Цвета отнасят надалече
Пият липов чай
Повръщат
Мухите се разтварят в билки
Не са за пиене
А за повръщане

fingertips

Before I can open my all to eager eyes
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies
Perpetual motion sadder place by me
Everything's breathing my air in all of tree

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
They go around and round

This comical wisdom
Creeps into my brain
Away of my nerve
And also free of pain

Electrical current
Hallowed be the name
Live my emotions
And vanish all my shame

Yet my fingertips
Have a special sound
Yet my fingertips
Smell of sodden ground

reminder nr. 2

Space
Space
Space
Space
Awake Awake Awake Awake
Да се научиш да ходиш на ...
Да се научиш да ходиш
Да се научиш да не споделяш
Да се научиш да обичаш себе си
Да се научиш да обичаш
Да се научиш да не си гориш ръката
Да се влюбиш в себе си
This will destroy you
Nothing lasts but nothing is lost
It's all Self teaching Self
Обичам ви

малко бисери

"Мисля, че тялотo е достатъчно умно, че да не ти позволява такива волности."

"То си е достатъчно трудно човек със собствените си страхове да се справи, камо ли с нечии чужди..."

:D

northern sky

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky

I've been a long time that I'm waiting
Been a long time that I'm blown
I've been a long time that I've wandered
Through the people I have known
Oh, if you would and you could
Straighten my new mind's eye

Would you love me for my money
Would you love me for my head
Would you love me through the winter
Would you love me ‘til I'm dead
Oh, if you would and you could
Come blow your horn on high

let go

остави се да създаваш смисли
не се съпротивлявай на съпротивата
в природата няма напрежение
тревата не се мъчи да расте
планетите не се мъчат да се въртят
водата не се мъчи да тече
защо тогава
защо не се оставиш
да бъдеш човек?

(посветено на пешо и хайваната)

the motherfucking truth

Till a system was formed, which some took advantage of & enslav'd the vulgar by attempting to realize or abstract the mental deities from their objects: thus began Priesthood;
Choosing forms of worship from poetic tales.
And at length they pronounc'd that the Gods had order'd such things.
Thus men forgot that All deities reside in the human breast.

Разходка със завит свят на Хайдегер за забравено зарядно

Някъде в алтернативна вселена се разхождаме в снега и слушаме унищожителна музика по цял ден всеки ден. Някъде снегът не спира никога и не се трупа върху ни, защото има други физически свойства.
Някъде в алтернативна вселена те срещам на улицата и те целувам.
Някъде държиш косата ми, докато повръщам.
Някъде цигарите правят света прекрасен, но не и ужасен.
Някъде снежинките нямат нужда от изтупване.
Някъде в алтернативна вселена трамваят вече е дошъл или никога няма да дойде.
Някъде всичко това вече се е случило.
А някъде не е.
Някъде ти си прекрасен. А дали наистина си прекрасен? Това никой не знае.
Някъде вратите към невъзможното са бранденбургски и това е добре.
Някъде хората в трамвая са безинтересни.
Някъде светът не става черно-бял, когато музиката спре, защото е впита в умовете ни. Някъде слушалките още не са изобретени. Там музиката унищожава всеки миг. И не боли.
Някъде в алтернативна вселена в трамвая се освобождава място и аз потъвам в Хайдегер.
Да, това някъде е сега.
Някъде всеки миг е "ето-на". Някъде месецът е "ето-на" и зимата е "ето-на", и снегът е "ето-на". Някъде истината е нищо. Това някъде е тук, ето на!
Някъде капките по стъклото са човешки пътища, замръзнали в писателския ум.
Някъде опиянението, което вижда техните пътеки като човешки животи е постоянно.
Някъде спомените от тези животи са "ето-на" и не болят.
Някъде в алтернативна вселена се качвам у дома и отпивам глътка вино, за да спре да ми се повръща.
Някъде не мисля за теб на този балкон.
Някъде всичко вече е станало, става и ще стане. И това унищожава.
И е толкова прекрасно, толкова... освобождаващо.
Някъде в алтернативна вселена зарядното го няма, лаптопа го няма и не живеем в тези черни кутийки.
Някъде, ето на, въображението ражда станали светове.
Някъде нищо не може да те отклони от центъра на равновесието вътре в теб.
If wants and needs divide me then I might as well be gone.
Някъде ме няма.
Някъде не съм машина за създаване на смисли.
Мога ли да си го представя?
Не, дори представянето е лъжа. Дори представянето е лепване на смисъл.
Някъде разумът е строшен на парчета.
Някъде до мен някой стене сладко и ме връща в тялото ми.
Свят момент, идея си нямах колко е свят.
Свят и наблъскан със смисъл, чак до гадене.
Моментът, в който се влюбваш в светия свят.
Някъде това малко момиче не мръзне по пуловер в най-големия сняг.
Някъде в ръцете й няма бебе, увито в хавлия, да фък, хавлия!
Някъде в алтернативна вселена аз се качвам горе и й нося едно от десетте си палта.
Някъде бъркам в джоба си и й давам шепата със стотинки.
Някъде баща й просто й купува едно шибано яке втора употреба за 2 лева!
Някъде аз осъзнавам колко маловажни са псевдофилософските ми терзания.
Някъде тези мисли не ме опияняват, а ме отвръщават.
А някъде истинната свобода е просто "оставяне на съществуващото да бъде".

Andacht - Charles Baudelaire

Sei weise, Sorge, lass dich nicht erregen
du wolltest Abend, er bricht an, ist da.
Wenn dunkle Schleier sich auf Dächer legen
ist einem Frieden, andren Sorge nah.
Wenn sich die viehisch grobe Menschenmenge
vom Henkersknecht Genuss gepeitscht zum Fest
hin drängt, nur Reue erntet, Narrenzwänge,
gib, Kummer mir die Hand, geh mit nach West
weit weg von hier. Sieh, wie die toten Jahre
im alten Kleid am Himmelssöller hängen,
Bedauern lächelnd aus der See aufsteigt.
Die Sonne stirbt, liegt unter Bogengängen
und hör nur wie als Tuch der Totenbahre
von Ost nach West die tiefe Nacht sich neigt.